A Lady of the Night is another way of saying prostitute. If you were hoping this was all about female vampires, I’m sorry. I might talk about female vampires at the end, if I have any space left. No promises.
Actually, I’d like to start off by saying something to all the lady vampires out there in the world. If you are going to attack me and suck my blood, can I request that you suck it from the big blue vein on my cock? Don’t get me wrong – it’s always hot when a woman is sucking on your neck, but it’s not as good as when they’re sucking on your dick.
Now, back to the whores.
The reason that they call prostitutes “ladies of the night” is because night is when most of them come out to ply their trade. During the daytime most people are at their job. It’s only when everyone is on their way home from work that the working girls show up to play. If whores came out during the day, they might get a few customers (kind of like the so-so strippers that have to work Mondays and Tuesdays). But they make a lot more money if they make themselves available at night (like the super hot strippers that work Fridays and Saturdays).
Actually, I’ve gone to many strip clubs on Monday and Tuesdays, and those strippers are willing to work a lot harder for your money. Maybe it’d be the same with prostitutes that work during the daytime. While you might only get a suck-and-fuck from a lady of the night for fifty bucks, a lady of the afternoon might also throw in some anal and a glass bottom boat. I don’t know. I’ll do some research and get back to you. By researching, I mean whoring.
(I love “researching” for this job because orgasm.com reimburses me for all my expenses. It can be tough to get a receipt from a whore, though.)
The most important thing to remember if you’re going to rent yourself a lady of the night is to get the most bang for your buck. Literally. Shop around. Don’t just jump the first lady that sticks her face in your car. I’ve found that with a little comparative pricing, you can really stretch your dollar.
If you’re thinking about rescuing a lady of the night from her job just like in “Pretty Woman”, hold your horses. First of all, if she’s a high-class escort, she probably makes more than you. She should rescue you from your dayjob! Second, not all whores have a heart of gold like Julia Roberts’ character did. Some of them are rude.
And nobody wants to have a relationship with someone rude, even if they can suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
1. Hugh Grant got busted with a Lady of the Night.
2. Eddie Murphy got busted with a tranny Lady of the Night.
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