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Lady Garden is a slang term for the female pubic area, the vagina, and all of the pubic hair. Generally used to describe hygiene and aesthetics of the female pubic area, Lady Garden is a term men and women should not use lightly. It is something that should be reserved for women who actually maintain their garden; trimming, weeding out unnecessary ingrown hairs, and making sure it is well watered and clean. Proper vagina maintenance and pube trimming can make the difference between your lady garden being a mirrored image of the Garden of Eden, or a straggly patch of cabbage with a few stray shoots of garlic.
The term lady garden comes from the idea that men want to fertilize or seed your vagina with their semen. In other words, we want to plow your garden, have a good hoeing, and bury our tool deep inside you. Similar verbs have arisen from the term Lady Garden, which mean a wide variety of things.
In England, if someone goes Gardening, it means they are trolling for pussy and searching the bars and restaurants for a suitable woman to fuck. In Canada, Gardening refers to finger fucking or manual stimulation. In Northern Canada, such as Nunavut and the Yukon, gardening refers to fantasizing about women you know in your daily life while you masturbate at night. Generally, these women are meant to be super hot chicks who you would never be able to fuck in real life. The term Gardening here implies the ultimate fantasy, something that will never happen, because generally in these cold, barren arctic climates, gardening is a hobby akin to unicorn chasing; it just isn’t going to happen.
Another term that has sexual connotations is ‘Gardener.” In the Gay communities in New York City, if you are called a Gardener it means that you are someone who picks up the sloppy seconds after an orgy. In a situation where three gay men go home together and have sex, the man who first penetrates the other man is called ‘the farmer,’ because he tills the soil first and lays claim to the land. The Gardener is the third man, who at first just watches and masturbates, or tries pathetically to ‘help out’ the farmer. In reality, he will be taking the sloppy seconds, coming in after the farmer for a quick ‘fuck and release’ style bang.
You might be wondering if there are any agricultural terms used for the male pubic area, and the answer is yes. The male pubic zone is known as ‘the crop,’ and it is equally important for a man to properly landscape his land. If you ever want to get regular blowjobs, you’re going to have to trim your pubes. That’s just common sense. No body wants to floss their teeth with thick, curly black hairs.
1. When I planted my seed in my Claire’s Lady Garden, she screamed at me that I was supposed to pull out. We had to get the morning after pill the next morning, which wasn’t that bad except it meant I had to sleep over and take her for breakfast.
2. When a young female is pruning her Lady garden, it is important to remember the climate that you are in. If it’s a warm summer day, try the Brazilian style of gardening.
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