KY Jelly is a water-based sexual lubricant for male or female usage. It is an extremely handy tube to have in the old beside table, even though they certainly don’t give them away (9 bucks for a small tube is common).
It was invented more than a hundred years ago, and was initially used by surgeons for some such bullshit or another. Eventually, one of the surgeons brought some home with him, slathered some on his fat hog, and gave his wife some deep rear-entry pounding. Instead of her crying and complaining about the pain like usual, she moaned and had three huge orgasms. He washed his dick off in the bedside basin, and then slathered some more KY onto his dick. Then he slid inside her pussy. Normally her pussy was very dry because she was a frigid bitch, but thanks to the KY, he slid in and out smooth and easy, giving her another three orgasms.
Word spread faster than Scarlett Johansson’s legs, and the KY craze had begun.
KY is so great. I like to have sex for a good long while. If a woman has sexual endurance, a two-hour romp is my average. Unfortunately, after forty minutes or so, a woman’s vagina can start to dry up or get irritated from fucking. Squirt a little KY on your dick, and it’s like a fresh, new, juicy cunt. You can fuck away for another hour! KY sometimes starts to dry up after time, but all you need to do is add a little water or spit, and it’s juicy again! It’s a fucking miracle.
Spit alone will do in a pinch, if you’re ever with a chick and you need some extra lube.
KY Jelly isn’t just for ladies with dried-out cooters or tight assholes. Oh no. KY is an amazing masturbation jelly for men. Instead of dry-handed masturbation, try squirting some KY on your meat and stroking it. It’s like night and day! Suddenly, masturbation feels ten times better, and it felt great before! Plus, it doesn’t stain your sheets or your clothes because it’s transparent.
Believe me! Boot yourself up a sweet Tiana Lynn clip, throw some KY on your dick, and start whacking off. If it doesn’t feel discernibly better than dry-handed masturbation, then I’m a monkey’s uncle. Actually, there was a bestiality scandal in my family a few years ago, so I may indeed be a monkey’s uncle. Blood tests are pending.
Recently KY has added stuff to the jelly so that it heats up, or sends blood to a woman’s clit. I’ve never tried the variations yet, but I’m going to assume that it’s a good time, based on the high number of sales they get.
Lube it up lads! You won’t regret it!
1. Andre the Giant’s wife was still a virgin as Andre carried her over the threshold on their honeymoon. On the bedside table was a jug of KY Jelly.
2. KY Jelly is invaluable.
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