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A Kosher Dill is a hilarious slang term for an uncircumcised penis. It is based on the stereotype that Jewish men (who are all circumcised) love deli food, which comes with a dill pickle. Also, the pickle looks like an uncircumcised penis. Plus, you put the pickle in your mouth, and the penis can also go into a person’s mouth. I’d refrain from putting a dill pickle up a lady’s snooch, on the other hand. It can’t be healthy for her.
It is worth noting that a kosher pickle needs to only be blessed by a rabbi or some such religious nonsense to become kosher. If you want your penis to become kosher, you have to cut the tip off with a knife. You know a religion is fucked when they treat the pickles better than the penises. Hey, God, what do you think about switching those around? The rabbi just has to bless my penis, and we circumcise the pickle? No? You need the tip of my dick cut off, huh? Bummer.
Just a quick question God: if you made man in your own image, does that mean that you had a giant God-foreskin that you cut off yourself? Why didn’t you just make man in your image without the foreskin? Is it because you’re a figment of our imagination, and the tradition of circumcision is completely arbitrary and mutilating? It is? Oh. Now I see.
But this isn’t going to be another anti-circumcision tirade. It’s going to be about using vegetables as sex toys. Like I said before, you shouldn’t use a pickle as a sex toy for the vagina. That is, unless you wash it thoroughly a few times, and then slide a condom over it. It’s the same thing when using any veggie as a sex toy, actually. Wash it and then throw a condom on it. The last thing you want is any sort of chemical pesticide in your snooch or anus, ladies. Plus, in case the veggie breaks while it is inside you, the condom will hopefully keep it together and contained.
That’s the problem with using veggies as sex toys: breakage. You shouldn’t use any veggie as a sex toy unless you’re sure it’s going to remain in tact, and not get lost up inside you somewhere. It’s not cool to show up in the emergency room to ask them to find and remove the banana you lost up your ass. In fact, forget what I said before. Unless you’ve checked it out with a registered sex therapist first, do not use fruits or veggies as sex toys. You can’t be trusted.
Now, bowling pins are another story.
Note: do not use a bowling pin as a sex toy until you can comfortably take it. Work your way up to it. And consult your local sex therapist.
1. Jacob gave his wife’s sister the Kosher Dill in the cloak room at the synagogue. Oy vay!
2. It takes a special kind of lady to deepthroat the Kosher Dill. (Special = awesome)
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