Knocking Boots is a slang expression meaning to have sexual intercourse with someone. It is based on two people having sex in missionary position with their boots still on. As the man humps and a-pumps away in the lady’s pussy, their feet move around, and their boots knock together. I myself have very rarely worn boots during sex, although I encourage my lady lovers to wear their sluttiest knee-high boots to bed. I have worn many rubbers in bed, which is another name for rain boots, but I use “rubbers” as a colloquial way of saying condoms.
So there you go. A little peek inside your humble author’s sex life. Lap it up, you voyeuristic pervs.
I suppose back in the olden days, people would get cold at night when the fire in the kitchen stove went out. So, they might have worn their boots to bed to keep their feet warm. And of course, we all know something else you can do in bed to keep warm, don’t we? That’s right. Fart. But after that, some sweet, sweet love making. Yep, nothing like knocking boots a cloud of fart stank. Get that heavy breathing started!
I think if I had to wear boots to bed, I’d probably choose cowboy boots for myself. And if I was going to wear cowboy boots to bed, I’d probably want to complete the ensemble by wearing a cowboy hat and a holster belt with a squirt gun in the holster. Inside the squirt gun, I’d have tequila or redbull. Or maybe a mixture of both. God, that’s a good idea. I think I’m going to try the Tequila Cowboy tonight. Wish me luck, you voyeuristic pervs.
I think if I could choose any kind of boots for my lady lover to wear to bed, it’d probably be a pair of pleather matrix-style thigh-high boots with super-high heels. I’d have to keep her off the waterbed, of course, but we could always just do it on the floor. She could pretend like I’m a young Clint Eastwood in my cowboy gear. (Coincidentally, my cock does lean a little east when erect. Literally east wood). I’d pretend like she was Trinity, and we’d have all sorts of good times knocking boots.
I just realized that “Puss In Boots” might be a sexual colloquialism involving the expression “knocking boots”. I can’t prove it, and I’m too drunk to Wikipedia it right now, so it’ll have to remain a hypothesis for now.
Wasn’t there a nursery rhyme about an old woman that lived in a shoe? Had so many children she didn’t know what to do? I know what you should do, lady. Get some rubbers. Voila! Problem solved.
1. I would love it if the sex tape of me knocking boots with Faye Reagan was leaked to the internet. Hint, hint, Faye.
2. I hate it when I hear my parents knocking boots when I’m home for the holidays. You’d think they’d at least close the bedroom door.
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