A ‘Katie Holmes’ is any girl who innocently takes on the role of ‘beard’ to hide a man’s homosexuality. Clearly this is meant to refer to Katie’s marriage to Tom Cruise who many suspect is gay. Katie and Tom have a daughter, Suri, together. They’re married and into crazy freaky Scientology together. Perhaps a ‘Katie Holmes’ is also a name for someone who marries for status and ends up being forced into Scientology.
I have to admit it, I love Katie Holmes. I’ve loved her since Dawson’s Creek and I’ll continue to love her no matter what horrible rolls she plays or what other ridiculous gay actors she marries. She was so tough and spunky and sassy in Dawson’s Creek. I like her in those rolls the best. I love watching her get angry. She’s such a saucy minx when she’s mad.
I’ve never really known anyone to seek out a Katie Holmes. All my gay friends are pretty obviously gay and wouldn’t really be able to fake it, no matter what girl next door they brought to the party. Within seconds they’d be on their knees in the closet sucking my boyfriend’s dick while Katie wanders around looking thin and wiry and drinking vodka martinis. The scheme really wouldn’t get very far.
The truth is, I don’t know if Tom is gay, but I like to think he is. I think I might like him more if he was gay. Though I may end up hating him for putting poor Katie’s life through hell just to cover up his own homosexuality. But did you see him on Jerry Maguire during that sex scene with his wife before she leaves him? It was a super hot sex scene but there’s something about Tom Cruise having sex with a woman even during a scene in a movie in which he’s playing a character that just seems kind of…well…fake. It seems too perfect. No dude looks like that, all perfectly chiseled abs and shiny skin and muscles. No completely hetero dude looks like that, anyway. I just feel like Tom is too showy, too ready to prove his heterosexuality. Sure, he doesn’t jump up on Oprah’s couch these days all crazy like, but he still seems to need to make out with Katie whenever they’re in public. I suppose the other issue for them is the height thing. Poor Tom can’t seem to find a woman shorter than him.
1. Don’t worry, I totally got a Katie Holmes for the wedding rehearsal dinner. Mom won’t suspect a thing.
2. The last time I went home for thanksgiving I brought a Katie Holmes with me. It was a little awkward because she also just happened to be my boyfriend’s sister. My parents still ask me about that ‘delightful young lady that I brought home for thanksgiving’ and when I’ll be proposing to her. It’s hard to say when that will happen since I’m so busy sucking my boyfriend’s dick and letting him blow his load up my ass.
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