Kakorrhaphiphilia is sexual arousal derived from failure. Charlie Sheen’s lady friends definitely do not suffer from kakorrhaphiphilia, since he is always winning. Douchnozzliphilia is sexual arousal derived from Charlie Sheen.
I wish that more women suffered from kakorrhaphiphilia since there are so many losers out there in the world. I myself have not always succeeded at everything I’ve ever done, and it would have been super sweet if there was a hot chick nearby getting turned on by my failure. I remember I was doing stand-up comedy one night at a local club. I was trying out some new material about Zamfir, the master of the pan flute. I thought the material was quality, but no one in the audience liked it.
It was the longest ten minutes of my life. As I walked off stage, if there was a hot blonde with big tits and a killer ass there waiting for me, that would have been awesome. She’d be all flushed because of her kakorrhaphiphilia, and her panties would be soaked with her pussy juices. Maybe as I got to the last step from the stage, I could stumble a little and fall on my face. That would send blondie over the top with desire. “He can’t even succeed at stairs”, she thinks to herself as her chest heaves with desire and breasts.
Then I’d walk her to my car, which I would flood as I tried to start it. She’d start using her fingers on herself as I looked like an idiot looking under the hood, but confessing that I don’t know anything about cars. I’d hit my head on the roof as I climbed back into the car, and hear her moan as her fingers went deeper into her sloshing cunt.
I’d try to hail a cab for us, but make sure that the first half-dozen taxis didn’t see my hand waving for them. She’d be in ecstasy watching my bumbling attempts at being a man, but failing at every turn. Then we’d eventually get back to her place and I’d try to lift her all stud-like to carry her into the bedroom. I’d act like she was too heavy, and I’d drop her, bringing her even closer to her orgasm.
Once we got into her bedroom, I’d do that thing where your shirt gets stuck on your head as you’re trying to pull it off. From inside the shirt, I’d be able to hear her moan and groan with desire as she watches me fail at event he most simple tasks. Finally I’d get naked and join her in bed. My technique would be terrible, making her build to her climax quickly. Then I’d prematurely cum, sending her over the top with shuddering waves of orgasmic bliss. I’d fall asleep quickly, failing to give her round two, and triggering multiple orgasms in the lovely lady.
Yeah – I’d love to find a woman stricken with kakorrhaphiphilia.
1. After winning the election, John’s wife (who has a bad case of kakorrhaphiphilia) dumped his ass.
2. When the Challenger Shuttle exploded, all the men with kakorrhaphiphilia got boners.
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