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The term ‘Johnson’ is slang for penis. It’s a general or generic name for an unknown person or thing, so in terms of the penis, it’s a way of naming it. If you haven’t named yours personally already, you can just call it your Johnson if you so desire.
But let’s talk about this whole ‘naming your dick’ phenomenon for a second. Do guys really do this? If so, is this just a way to separate the penis from the human (and the human brain) so that the human doesn’t have to take responsibility or claim any control over what the penis does? Like, if your dick is named Harvey, then it was Harvey’s fault that the girl you like is pressing charges against you because Harvey forced himself inside her. You had no idea he was going to do that and you certainly wouldn’t condone sexual assault. But how can you be blamed? Your name is Jake. Your dick’s name is Harvey. Harvey’s the one who’s at fault here.
Yeah, that’s fucked.
That’s basically the real reason dudes name their dicks (to avoid having to be responsible for them), but along those same lines dudes like to think of their dick as their friend and confidant. They like to be able to refer to it in the third person and talk to it as though they’re buddies having a sleepover. And I suppose the cock does sometimes take on a life of its own. It’s laying there flaccid and limp one minute and the next it’s five times its original size and throbbing and hunting around like a dog’s nose, looking in hunger for some tasty pussy or ass to sink itself into.
1. My Johnson is kind of curved and I’m feeling kind of freaked out by it. I fucked for the first time a few weeks ago and when the girl I was with saw it her eyes bulged out. She didn’t say anything but she was worried I was gonna break her insides or something. And when I say it’s curved, it’s like, almost bent to a ninety degree angle. I know this isn’t normal but I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid to go to a doctor because I don’t want surgery. Anyway, when I fucked her it seemed to go okay. She totally came six times just from my cock being inside her. I wonder why she hasn’t returned my texts yet.
2. I wish I didn’t have to use Viagra. I wish I could just will my dick to get hard. I watch so much porn it’s sick. I think about the girls I went to school with all those years ago, their short skirts flipping about, their long legs. Somehow that just makes my dick even more limp. But then there’s Henry next door. Henry with his rock hard abs, always mowing the lawn without his shirt. Fuck, when I think about Henry, my Johnson gets so stiff and swollen I’m sure it’s gonna break off.
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