Jackson Pollacks is cockney slang for bollocks, or testicles. It is a type of rhyming slang where the last word in the slang phrase rhymes with the thing you are talking about. The most famous example is calling a flight of stairs the “apples and pears”.
The man Jackson Pollack was an American painter that became world famous for his painting style in the 1950’s. When he was painting he would lay the canvas on the ground (instead of putting it upright like most artists) and drip household paint (instead of artist paint) onto the canvas in all directions. It is similar to when you spray semen from your bollocks and it drips in all directions. That’s kind of one of the best things about the male orgasm – you never know with what force, or in what direction the semen is going to squirt.
My favorite is when it turns into a bullet-speed super squirt that flies right into the unsuspecting eye of the woman I am with. It’s always an accident, but a goddam funny one. Don’t worry – I always have an emergency eye wash station ready near my bed for just such an occurrence.
Rhyming slang is kind of fun. I don’t think it should stop at just the bollocks though. Here are some famous people that can also be cockney slang, if it catches on. Remember you read them here first:
Anal beads – Tara Reids
Air tight – Meg White
Blumpkin – Great Pumpkin
Butter face – David Chase
Camel toes – Beyonce Knowles
Doggy style – Gomer Pyle
Donkey punch – Captain Crunch
Firm tit – Brad Pitt
Hump – Forrest Gump
Jungle fever – Ward Cleaver
Monster Cocks – Megan Fox
Cooze – Penelope Cruz
Dirty Sanchez – Selena Gomez
Pop a Cherry – Halle Berry
Rusty Trombone – Sharron Stone
Man, I’d love to see one of Beyonce Knowles camel toes. Up close and personal. Yeah, JZ, you heard me. I think yo lady fly. Deal with it.
Personally I find rhyming slang a little annoying after a while. I visited England and was in a pub getting drunk when I started chatting up a cute woman. She started talking all rhyming slang to me and I didn’t know what the fuck she was on about after a while. When she said, “Best of luck”, was she saying she wanted to fuck? Or that she needed to borrow a buck? Or she wanted to give me a suck? Or watch the television show Chuck? It was all very confusing, so I drew her a dirty picture on a bar napkin showing a rather large penis going into the butthole of a rather sexy woman.
She got the message, threw her drink in my face, and left.
On the bright side, I did pickpocket her wallet before she left, so she ended up paying for my drinks.
1. Betty sucked on Fred’s Jackson Pollacks until he climaxed, squirting his biggest load every straight down her deep throat. Barney filmed it all.
2. I’ve got blue Jackson Pollacks.
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