Intact is a term used for a woman who still has her hymen, but should not simply be confused with the word virgin. A woman who is “intact” is someone who is above an acceptable age to still maintain her virginity. Therefore, rather than referring to them as virgins, one should use the more accurate terms, such as “prude” or quite simply, “ugly.”
There are numerous reasons for a woman to still be “intact.” Sometimes, she is actually somewhat attractive, but since she is prudish and afraid of sex, she never allows a man to break her hymen. Now, I know what you’re thinking, what about alcohol? Well, sadly, Statistics Canada has shown that 95% of all women who remain intact after the age of 21 do not drink or take drugs, and rarely have any fun whatsoever in life. If these women remain intact well into their 40’s or 50’s, they officially become known as a “sealed clam,” and are often rejected by all members of the opposite sex in North America, even the homeless and the derelict. Ironically, these women can make millions of dollars as a featured solo artist in Japanese porno, especially if they are Caucasian. The Japanese have coined a term for any white female over the age of 40 who still has her hymen, as the “illusive white sparrow,” and often pay up to forty thousand American dollars for one short film of the woman sitting on the couch eating fishcakes.
In North America and Europe, intact women are primarily only sought after if they are under the age of 21 years old. Anything older and it is assumed there must be something severely wrong with this person, because everyone knows how easy it is for a woman to get laid. If a woman does find herself intact for too long, she has numerous options as to how to rid herself of this stigma before everyone finds out. Several young women experiment with bananas, carrots, pencils, and other phallic objects, often achieving their goal simply by inserting the object vaginally until they bleed.
Considering that most women lose their hymen accidentally, either while riding a bicycle on a bumpy side road, or straddling a horse in tight blue jeans, remaining intact is simply unacceptable. There is no good reason for remaining intact past high school, unless you plan on making millions in Japan.
Finally, a warning to all women who are no longer intact. There is a myth circulating among women, that they can actually re-grow a hymen if they remain sexually inactive for too long. Unfortunately, this myth is true, so please, make sure you have sex with a man as often as possible.
1. When Jason first fucked his high school sweetheart he almost threw up because he thought she had her period because of all the blood. Lucky for him, she just forgot to tell him she was still intact.
2. If a woman tells you she is still intact, make sure you check her ID to make sure you’re not perpetually chasing after a “sealed clam.”
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