Okay, we all know what infertile means. Unless English isn’t your first language, or you’re living under a rock or a cactus or down in right-wing land where no one discusses anything to do with sex, even if it does have to do with babies and reproducing. You’ve got to be a bit of a moron if you don’t know what this word means.
But here we are. You’re looking up this definition, so clearly you’re a little unclear.
If a person is infertile, it means they can’t reproduce, as in can’t make babies. You are biologically unable to contribute to conception. If you’re a dude, your sperm is swimming in circles or just can’t make it to the finish line for whatever reason. If you’re a woman, this means your eggs don’t have the energy to make that big journey along the fallopian tubes. Or, perhaps they make the journey, but just aren’t interested in getting implanted. Or maybe they’re willing to get implanted, but that egg is not interested in turning into an embryo and later, a fetus.
There are two kinds of infertility, primary and secondary. Primary refers to those who can’t conceive at all and secondary refers to those who’ve had success in conceiving their first child but are unsuccessful in conceiving another child. This is a pretty common experience.
A lot of couples struggle with infertility. There’s a lot of pressure to make babies and have babies and create babies and be all superior baby-making machines on a regular basis. And with the catholics and evangelicals of the world, there’s a lot of ‘sex-for-babies’ propaganda out there. Which is ridiculous because 99.99999999….% of all sex is NOT sex for procreation, it’s sex for pleasure. Even the Catholics who are all anti-birth control and anti-gay marriage and anti-EVERYTHING are all getting their asses pounded from as early as thirteen-years-old. Sex for pleasure. It’s a tale as old as time.
Recently the pope claimed that gay marriage is a threat to the sanctity of marriage because it holds the potential to undermine ‘the future of humanity ITSELF…SELF…self…self……’. Because, you know, the 10% of the world’s population that are gay are going to take over this crazy institution and make it so that heteros don’t want to only have baby-making sex, they’ll want to have crazy awesome hot butt sex too! (Sidebar: straight people have the majority of butt sex in the world, given that a quarter of all straight couples engage in anal sex/play. Even if all gay people everywhere were butt fucking 24 hours a day, all day long, every day forever, straight people would still get to take home the medal for the most butt sex).
As sex-advice columnist Dan Savage says, “If gay people are allowed to marry, suddenly we’re all going to forget which hole shits babies.” Indeed. That’s a fact.
1. I wish Rick Santorum was infertile.
2. Butt-sex is the bomb. Since there’s a good chance I’m not infertile, it’s the best way to stop myself from shitting babies.
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