A Home Run is scored when two people have penis-vagina sexual intercourse together. It is based on the baseball metaphors for sex in which first base is kissing, second base is touching, third base is oral sex, and a home run is fucking. There is also fifth base, which means you’re having anal sex. There is no fifth base in actual baseball.
Well, maybe in the showers after the game. But that’s a different story altogether.
I’m looking at you Albert Pujoles.
There are some memorable home runs in every man’s life. There’s his first home run. That one is always special. Up until then he’s not sure if he’ll ever hit one out of the park. Oh, he’s probably hit a lot of triples. But that elusive first home run is a great one. After that, each home run is awesome, but it’ll never match the glory of his first. He’s gone from the bush leagues to the majors.
Another great home run is a guy’s first simultaneous orgasm with a woman. When you’re first having sex with a bunch of new women, there’s a good chance that you’ll accidentally give a few of them an orgasm here or there. But to time hers with yours is something special. Usually the guy cums first. That’s just nature. A woman needs time to warm up to her orgasm. But sometimes you can catch just the right wave and have a simultaneous orgasm. It’s amazing. If you’re in a long-term relationship, timing your orgasms to synchronicity is a little easier, but that’s not worth limiting yourself to one pussy. Trust me.
One of my favorite first home run experiences was the first time I got a home run with a woman while her parents were in the next room. It was when I went to my girlfriend’s parents’ home for Christmas vacation during college. They were cool enough to let us share a room during our stay. Their bedroom was right on the other side of the wall from our room. My girlfriend and I both knew we were going to have sex, but since she didn’t want her parents to hear, she suggested we do it on the floor. Nailing her doggy style on the ground like animals while her dad snored away in the other room was hot.
The trick for all you guys out there who are virgins, let me give you a little piece of advice. Don’t act like it’s your first home run when some woman finally gives it up to you. Act like you’ve been in a hundred pussies before her. It’ll score you more sex than if you act like you’ve just lost your virginity. Trust me.
1. Jason met Shelly at a bar and brought her back to his place. He had been downstairs giving her cunnilingus for half an hour, and she had already had two orgasms. He wasn’t sure if she was going to give him the go-ahead for sex. Suddenly, she pulled his cock out and slid him inside her. Home Run!
2. After getting a Home Run with Jennifer Aniston, most guys dump her.
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