Hiberdating refers to a person who ignores all their other friends when they are dating a boyfriend or girlfriend. It combines the words ‘hibernating’ and ‘dating’ to convey that once that person has started dating their boyfriend or girlfriend, they have basically gone into hibernation.
This happens all the time. People constantly disappear when they start dating someone and sooner or later their face ends up on a milk carton. It’s especially annoying when that person is a close friend of yours. You used to see each other two or three times a week and suddenly you might see them once a month and only with their significant other and they both look into each other’s eyes all googly like and finish each other’s sentences and only talk about how much fun they’ve been having and all the awesome things they’ve been doing together and it basically turns into such an annoying night that you want to punch them both in the face and you actually leave early saying that you aren’t feeling very well only to join your other friends who are at a bar down the street so you can drink your face off with people who actually have more to talk about than themselves.
It’s annoying. It’s gross. People shouldn’t do it.
If you’re friends with someone who has begun to hiberdate, you need to nip that shit in the bud ASAP. As soon as they start to disappear you need to take them out for coffee and say, look dude, you’re my friend. I value our friendship. This chick that you’re into, she seems cool. But you’ve only known her a few weeks. You and I have been friends for fifteen years. Obviously you’re going to spend more time with her than with me right now and I get that. She’s blowing you, I get it. But remember that you have a much bigger likelihood of ending up with me in your life and not her. She could be ‘the one’, but she’s more likely a speed bump that gets you to slow down and notice her for a while. So don’t fucking ditch out on me completely and please, for the love of fucking Vishnu, please don’t start finishing her sentences or let her finish yours. Don’t be gross, okay?
That’s what you’ve gotta do. Otherwise you’ll find yourself in a pub one night drinking pint after pint and wishing you could bust your glass and draw the sharp edge along your wrists so you don’t have to watch your friend and his girlfriend make creepy pasty love to each other with their eyes.
1. She’s completely disappeared, now that she’s dating Chris. They just stay in every night and watch movies and eat soup or Chinese take-out together. Sometimes he rubs her feet. God, they’re fucking disgusting. If I was going to hiberdate I’d at least pick somebody good looking to go out with.
2. You know you’re hiberdating when you say this exact sentence; I can’t go out, I’ve got warm soup belly.
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