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The term “Heterosexual” traditionally refers to an individual who is attracted to his or her opposite sex, and is often used synonymously with the term “straight” or “not gay.” Although the technical definition is straightforward enough, the term as a sexual identity label has become a lot more ambiguous. This is mostly due to a few recent innovations in technology, pharmaceuticals, and gender roles. With the invention of easily accessible gay porn on the internet; the eradication of a “hetero-normative” idea of masculinity by effeminate Emo rock stars and nerdy hipster; and the invention of popular drugs like ecstasy and MDMA, the word heterosexual is somewhat obsolete in today’s modern world.

There are more than a few examples of when the clearly self-identified heterosexual will find him or herself questioning the basic meaning of the word.

For example, many heterosexual men will find themselves making out with one of their drinking buddies, (usually as a dare from two hot chicks they’re trying to impress) which undoubtedly leads them to question their own sexual identity because secretly, at least one of them had a hidden erection when they kissed.

Another instance where the term heterosexual can be ambiguous among males is at any party or rave that includes MDMA or ecstasy. While chemically induced hard-ons can be a great thing, when you find yourself alone with the same sex it can lead to problems. Swept up in the horniness and euphoria of their magic little pill, many staunchly heterosexual club dudes will develop the popular mantra, “A mouth is a mouth.” This, of course, usually leads to the gayest of the two men dropping down on his knees and sucking his friend’s cock as he tries to pretend it’s a hot waitress from the club. The morning come down from this night can be disastrous, often causing that individual to never have any fun at bars or raves again because they’re too scared to get high. Propelled by this fear, many of these men will become police officers or lawyers, joining a fraternity and drinking nothing but Budweiser to avoid being called a sissy.

Although heterosexuality is typically defined by whom a person is sexually attracted to, young male jocks often try to assert their “straightness” by proving to each other how much they hate “fags.” Ironically, they often resort to strange male bonding techniques in the locker room, which often prove to be far more “gay” than anything a real homosexual might do. One such example is the “berry call,” when an individual pulls his nut sack out of his underwear and dances around the locker room trying to rub it against his team mates.

Of course, women also experience this blurring of the term heterosexual, but because they are naturally more confident with their own sexuality than most men, it usually amounts to nothing more than some innocent experimentation in high school, or a playful tongue licking at a frat party to impress their boyfriends.

1. When Steve hit on Gary at the bar, Gary was forced to explain to him that despite his name, he was in fact NOT gay; he was heterosexual.

2. “Oh I’m heterosexual,” declared Christina, “but I’ve been known to munch a few carpets from time to time.”

RELATED TERMS:

Straight