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The Hammer of Thor is where you shit in a pillow case and beat your partner with it. I’m not sure what sort of first-world Wall Street asshole has pillow cases to spare in these hard economic times, but it sure as heck ain’t me, babe.
Let’s Occupy Bed, Bath and Beyond!
The mythological Hammer of Thor is a cool-ass weapon called Mjölnir. Mjölnir literally translates to “crusher”. Similarly, I suppose that after a few hard swings of the pillow case, the shit inside would get crushed-up pretty good. After a few more hits, it would start to seep through the fabric (depending on your Egyptian cotton thread count), covering your target with poop.
I used to refer to my penis as “Crusher” because of all the pussy I crushed in my younger days. Now I call him “Rowdy Roddy Ramsgood”. Of the Philadelphia Ramsgoods.
I remember as a kid how much fun pillow fights with my friends were. We never thought to shit in the pillow cases though. Surprising, since we were all about showing off our farts and extra long shits to each other. To be honest, a few days ago I had a two-and-a-half foot long shit. You know – the ones that disappear into the bowl, but then are so long that they stick up out of the water? I was proud. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to see it, but she grimaced and said no.
I guess she “grew up”. Snooty bitch.
She’s getting a dirty sanchez next time Roddy Ramsgood goes backdoor on her. Humble her back to my level. Nothing de-snootifies a bitch like some of her shit smeared across her top lip. Believe it.
The Hammer of Thor, like most scat play, can get very messy. Cover all your important stuff with some drop-cloths before trying this one out. You might also want to give the person you’re beating with the shit-filled pillow case some swimming goggles. If the shit gets into their eyes, it could end up giving them pink eye.
In case you were worried that Thor was only associated with gross things like pillow cases full of shit, rest easy. The element Thorium, with atomic weight 90, was named after Thor. It has a half-life of 14 billion years. Does that mean it has a “whole life” of 28 billion years? Beats me. Instead of researching it more, I think I’ll make myself a grilled cheese. I’ll be right back.
MMMM! That was good.
There is nothing that says the pillow case has to be filled with your own shit. In fact, it would take quite a while for a person to fill a pillow case even half full of poo. Feel free to go to the local petting zoo and grab some donkey or buffalo shit.
1. Hitler deserved to get a Hammer of Thor right across his face for what he did.
2. I gave Ashton Kutcher a surprise Hammer of Thor. Who been punked now, bitch?
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