A Ham Cheese Sandwich might be a delicious snack after work, or a common order at Tim Horton’s drive thru on a long road trip, but if you’re in the middle of fucking a hot and kinky chick, and she asks you if you’d like a Ham and Cheese sandwich, say absolutely not, unless of course you like the taste of your own cum.
In the world where fudge means fecal matter, or fish sauce means vaginal fluid, it’s not surprising that a Ham and Cheese Sandwich actually refers to eating out a woman’s pussy AFTER you’ve ejaculated inside it. It’s not the most popular move in the world, but studies do show that 4 out of 10 males enjoy the taste of their own semen. So, in all fairness, we’re going to give you a few pointers on how to properly eat a ham and cheese sandwich, just in case you’ve got a particularly perverted palette.
First of all, never mow down on a ham and cheese sandwich without riding bareback. If you wear a condom while fucking the woman, it’s like eating an actual sandwich with the cellophane wrapping still on it. Even if you wear the condom for just a little while, then ejaculate inside her, (which would be pointless, I know, but so is eating your own semen) you’re still going to get that awful latex taste in your mouth. In fact, I don’t even recommend going down on a girl after you’ve fucked her with a condom on, regardless of whether you cum inside her or not. Of course, I don’t really recommend wearing condoms at all, but that’s neither here nor there.
Another common type of sandwich related oral sex is called the Ham and Monterey Jack sandwich, which involves fucking a girl while she has a yeast infection, cumming inside her, and then going down on her and stuffing your face full of that nastiness. Similarly, you could have a Grilled Cheese Sandwich, in which you fuck her on her period, insert your own special sauce, and then take a bite out of it, the idea being that the blood resembles the ketchup you would dip your grilled cheese in.
Finally, there’s the Falafel sandwich. No, it doesn’t mean cumming inside a Middle Eastern girl and then eating her out. If you picture those delicious, hand rolled balls of deep fried chick pea, you can probably guess what’s coming next. That’s right, double penetration. You and a buddy shove both your cocks inside her vagina at the same time, and then whoever ejaculates first has to go down on her while the other guy is still fucking her. That way, you have to eat your own cum, have his balls resting against your tongue, AND you’ll inevitably have to consume his semen as well once he finally blows his load. Makes that Ham and Cheese Sandwich seem a lot tastier, doesn’t it?
1. When my wife asked me if I wanted a ham and Cheese Sandwich during sex, I thought she was into food fetishes or something. But, I probably got more protein from my cum than a flimsy piece of Black Forest ham.
2. Oprah absolutely loves ham and cheese sandwiches. That’s right, she was once so hungry that she learned how to stretch her body to be able to eat herself out after the dude came in her.
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