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The Hair Pie is a woman’s genitals including the pubic hair, especially in the context of cunnilingus. It specifically refers to a woman’s cunt when it is covered in a lot of hair. It would not be accurate to refer to licking a bald pussy as munching hair pie.
I love eating hair pie. But ladies, do your lovers a favor. Shave around your pussy. I always tell my girlfriends that they can grow their triangle of hair above the clit as long as they want. But around the vulva should be clean as a whistle. It’s the worst when you’re munching beaver, and get a long pube stuck in your throat or in your teeth. Or back, between your cheek and your gums. Then you have to pause and try to pick it out. And you never get it on your first try. Those little fuckers are illusive.
So, there you are, trying to pick a pube out of your mouth, or hacking it up out of your throat. And you know how delicate cunnilingus is. If you pause too long, you lose all the sexual build up you had. Now you have to start from scratch again. Then your jaw gets sore, your neck aches, and nobody is happy.
Ladies, you should know something about your hair pie. It’s sexy. It doesn’t matter what color your hair is. From the fire bush of a redhead, to the yellow wisps on a blonde. From the curly browns on a brunette or the black pubes hair on a black-haired woman. It’s hot. Even the old school seventies playboy shots of women with huge bushes are hot. It looks dated and strange, but still hot.
It’s also really funny, I’m told, when a woman looks down when her lover is giving her cunnilingus, because her pubic hair looks like the lover has a moustache.
The only hair pie that is not hot is the granny grey hairs. Don’t get me wrong, I love GILFs. They can’t get pregnant, so you don’t need condoms. Plus, they can take out their false teeth and really give you a smooth blowjob. But there’s something about an old lady’s white and grey bush that is not cool. So, all you older women out there, either shave it or dye it. You can miss bingo this week and go to the salon for a Brazilian.
I like to tell my lady friends to shampoo and condition their pubes when they shower. Soft, silky pubes are much nicer than coarse, wiry pubes. When you’re rinsing your hair, rub the suds into your pubes, ladies. Conditioning helps too. Take good care of your hair pie, and we’ll take good care of it!
1. Justin Bieber was confused when he saw Selena Gomez’s hair pie. She explained that when he hits puberty, he’ll get hair down there too.
2. Ironically, Harry didn’t like his wife’s hair pie.
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