The Gretzky Pregame is an advanced maneuver for hockey fans, or anyone that masturbated to Janet Gretzky back in the eighties.
The man acts as though he is going to give his erect cock to a woman for her to give him some oral sex. At the last possible moment, he pulls back and shoots a slap shot of pre-cum into her eye. It could very well ruin the rest of the sexual experience, but at least you’ll have pulled off one of the greatest sex moves of them all. As she gets dressed and is cussing you out for disrespecting her like that, just lay back and smile, knowing you’ll be masturbating soon and asleep before you know it.
While this sex move is not officially endorsed by the Great Gretzky, I think we all know that he would approve. There are many rumors around the NHL about the size of Gretzky’s cock. Apparently, in addition to being the greatest hockey player in the history of the game, he was also blessed with some serious cock meat.
That doesn’t seem fair to me.
If there is a heaven, when I get there, I’m going to take God aside. I’m going to ask him why Wayne got the best hockey talent ever AND a monster cock. I didn’t get either. Why does Wayne get two, and I get none? Seems fairer to give Wayne one, and give me the other. Heck, I’d even let Wayne choose first. My guess is he’d still choose the cock, but at least I’d get to be the greatest hockey player in history. I’d still have my average sized wiener, but I have that now, without all the NHL records and fame.
Wayne got two. I got none. Not fair, God. Not fair.
But I digress.
Now, it’s a little tricky to shoot your precum into the eye of an unsuspecting woman. Mostly because you don’t really shoot the cum, as much as fling it. I’ve tried to practice my Gretzky Pregame all afternoon, and the way I figure it, the best technique involves getting a big bubble of precum formed on the end of your dick. Then, bend your erect cock down, spring loading it. When you release your cock, it springs up, shooting the precum off. With a little practicing for aim, I think it’s definitely manageable.
You should not attempt the Gretzky Pregame on any woman that you want to keep around. Odds are that after the precum hits her eye, she’ll leave and never talk to you again. Perfect way to break up with a girl, I suppose.
1. Gus couldn’t get tickets for the Stanley Cup, even though he had saved up over five hundred dollars for them. He decided to get himself a pair of twin whores with the money instead. He gave the snootier of the two the Gretzky Pregame when she wasn’t expecting it.
2. The Gretzky Pregame is easier than the Bobby Orr-eo Cookie. That requires some interracial ladies.
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