To hide any objects that you would rather your girlfriend not see. These objects usually include porn, childish things (dolls, small toys, etc), and pokemon memorabilia. You can girlfriend-proof your car, room, house, and really just about anything.
Porn is definitely a big one for most hetero couples. We all know that every dude watches porn whether he admits it to his girlfriend or not. Whether he admits it to himself or not. He may be a ‘feminist’ and he may be super into gender equality, but really, he still wants to watch a girl get a facial, no matter how many women’s studies classes he’s taken or how many Judith Butler articles he’s read. So we’re agreed that all dudes watch porn. The thing is, not all chicks are okay with that. And that’s fine, you don’t have to be comfortable with everything your boyfriend or husband or man friend does. You can think porn is icky and kind of creepy and not for you, although it would probably make your life easier if you didn’t think that. What you can’t do is stop your male partner from watching it. You can tell him to stop or ask him nicely to stop or beg him to stop. He will, if he’s smart and knows how relationships work, say that he understands where you’re coming from and he’ll keep it to himself, as in he’ll pretend to stop SLASH do a better job of hiding it. He’s not going to stop. But as soon as you have that conversation, then you can pretend that he no longer has or looks at or watches porn and he can do a really kick-ass job at hiding it.
Hence, the girlfriend-proofing. You need to get a super awesome hiding spot for your porn. Don’t just stick videos or magazines between your mattresses or in your sock drawer. Even if you don’t live together, she’s going to snoop (not necessarily in the search for something you’re hiding, but maybe to look for something she’s lost), and she’ll find it and there’ll be hell to pay. Loosen a plank in your floor and pry it open. Store your porn (or dolls or small toys or pokemon memorabilia) in there. Cover it up with a nice rug from Ikea. It may be a bit like the heart from The Tell-Tale Heart, but you just have to remember that the only reason why you’re hiding your stuff is because your girlfriend is a bit of a spaz case but you really like fucking her so you’ve got to just go with it.
1. I was totally girlfriend-proofing my house today when I came across something that she left in the closet. At least I’m assuming it’s hers because none of my friends would be into anything that freaky. I just assumed she wouldn’t be into me having porn, but since finding video on felching that she left accidentally, I’m thinking the shit that I’m into is pretty tame. I just like the facials, I don’t want to suck out cum from a dude’s ass.
2. Time to girlfriend-proof before she finds all the naked pictures of my ex and discover how much hotter my ex is.
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