Gerontophilia is an attraction to an elderly person, usually a man, by a much younger person, usually a young woman. Derived from the Greek word for “old bastard”, Geron, a gerontophiliac seeks sexual arousal or pleasure from those who are old or appear to be old.
Gerontophilia usually strikes young women with have daddy issues. These girls may have been abandoned or orphaned at an early age. They are left with confusing thoughts and aim to fill the void of their lack of father with a lover of the same characteristics.
Sometimes, those girls may have come to their gerontophilia due to opposite reasons than above. The girls were given a healthy, loving atmosphere to mature in, but have turned normal feelings into a passion for the old and withered. Psychologists have studied daddy issues for hundreds of years and have yet to find a suitable formula to predict a girl’s gerontophilia.
Gerontophilia should not be mistaken with gold diggers. They are not seeking money, wealth, power, or material items by sleeping with a single grampa. These women are skilled in making old men believe they are fully into them. The women, however, are not sexually attracted to or aroused by these men, but are to the money and wealth. When they get their greedy little paws on some of the old bat’s cash, they hang on until his dear life is over. Gerontophiliacs do not find contentment in the death of their partner. They leave the funeral in mourning and sexually frustration. Lucky for them, funerals are the Studio 54 of picking up a new saggy man with dentures falling out. Hot.
There are certain characteristics a gerontophiliac seeks out. Much like a normal heterosexual seeking a virile sexual partner, gerontophiliacs lust after healthy individuals who are still able to perform sexually. A full head of silver hair, a strong hip bone, and full set of teeth are ideal for those with gerontophilia.
Viagra is the tic tac of the gerontophiliac’s daily life. Large sums of the drug are purchased and can be kept on the nightstand in a clear glass jar, much like a bubble gum machine. It should be noted that Viagra cannot mix with many drugs for the elderly. Please read all labels and warnings before use.
A heart rate monitor can also be useful for the elderly sleeping with a younger mate. Strap the plate just under the chest and either of the partners can wear the wrist watch portion. Set the monitor to beep when heart rates go above 150, as this will help prolong the life of the old bastard.
For young men seeking older women, removal of dentures provides a smooth, slippery surface for fellatio. Don’t knock it til you’ve tried the gummy BJ. Place the upper and lower dentures in a glass on the bedside table – Fixodent and forget it!
1. My niece suffers from gerontophilia and is now dating my father-in-law.
2. Old age homes are prime pickup spots for those with gerontophilia.
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