Gaylord Perry is having a minimum of two knuckles, covered with spit, up someone’s asshole. It is named after Hall of Fame pitcher (baseball, not gay “pitcher”) Gaylord Perry who was infamous for using the spitball as part of his pitching arsenal. A spit ball is an illegal pitch where the ball is covered in spit and thrown with two fingers.
Baseball metaphors for sex are plentiful. Here are just a handful:
First Base: kissing
Second Base: touching
Third Base: oral
Home Run: fucking
Fifth Base: anal
Leather Ballglove: loose and worn-out pussy
Foul Ball: smelly nuts
Pinch Hitter: a dom that pinches and hits the sub
Bat: a big cock
Ball: a testicle
The Mound: mons veneris
The list goes on and on. Did you know there is a professional baseball player named Albert Pujols? His last name is pronounced “Poo-Holes”. Poor guy. Imagine if his first name was Gaylord. Gaylord Pooholes.
Maybe the funniest thing about the actual baseball player Gaylord Perry is that he wrote an autobiography called “Me and the Spitter”.
No bullshit. His autobiography is called “Me and the Spitter”. That may be the funniest thing I’ve heard all year. Do you think his wife is happy that her husband wrote an autobiography called “Me and the Spitter”? I don’t think she is.
I wrote a poem about my ex-girlfriend Sarah called “Me and the Swallower”. Here’s an excerpt:
“Sarah, mouth filled with throbbing me
When you softly squeeze my sinewy sack
my load goes down throat road
And your eyes look into my soul.”
I think I’ll call her up and see if she’s game for a booty call tonight.
Actually, the funniest thing about Gaylord Perry is that a fellow ball player, Gene Mauch, said about Gaylord, “He should be in the Hall of Fame with a tube of KY Jelly attached to his plaque.” Mauch was referring to Perry using the lube on the baseball for his spitball, but it to someone who doesn’t know about Perry’s use of the spitball, it sounds like he was a rampant ass plunderer. Hell, his name is Gaylord. Too funny.
Anyway, back to the sexual move called the Gaylord Perry. Sticking two fingers covered with spit up someone’s asshole is not that difficult a move. Unless they’re really an ass virgin, in which case, warm them up with one finger first. Whenever I’m fucking a woman doggy style, I find that the simultaneous Gaylord Perry makes them moan even louder. If you feel a poop in there, ignore it. You can wash your fingers after she cums.
1. “Sssee you in the shower, fellassssss.” – Gaylord Pooholes, (Sexpert whose specialty is the Gaylord Perry).
2. I gave myself the Gaylord Perry while I was masturbating to some amazing Asian lesbian porn. I ended up cumming and falling asleep with my fingers still inside my asshole. I was awakened by our housekeeper who screamed when she walked in on me and saw everything. She won’t look me in the eyes now.
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