Gaydar is the ability/gift of being able to detect homosexuality in other people. When you can just ‘tell’ that someone’s gay. Straight women seem to be the ones to claim that their gaydar is excellent. I think this might have to do with all the fag hags running around out there.
The truth is, gaydar is pretty stupid. Yes, some of the stereotypical characteristics might tip a person off, but sexuality is not really something that can be labeled. And even when we do label it, it isn’t something that matches a specific set of characteristics. When I was nineteen I shaved my head and started wearing combat boots and camouflage pants. I guess I just wanted to feel strong and tough. It didn’t take long before rumours started flying around that I was a dyke. The truth is, I’ve always had plenty of dyke in me. I love pussy. I love fucking women. But that’s not the whole of my sexual truth. If you look at me now, you wouldn’t label me a dyke. If you see my Fluevog collection, the sassy dresses I have in my closet and my sets of matching bras and panties, you’d just assume I was straight. But I’m not.
The funny thing about gaydar is that even if you guessed right, it doesn’t mean that the person is living the life you think they are. You’re probably going to be fairly disappointed when you discover that they don’t live in a loft and they aren’t with a super hot guy, sharing a tiny dog and drinking the best wines. Not all gay dudes work out all the time and have super sexy bodies and not all gay guys are into hanging out with women and not all of them love going to clubs. Some of them are even married to women, and not in a denial way. I know a gay dude is openly gay but in love with and married to a woman. AND they fuck. And they’re very much in love. And they’re happy. It actually happens. So just because you have decent gaydar doesn’t make it a useful skill to have. And you will be wrong some of the time. And you’ll probably end up irritating people. And you should really just shut the fuck up and get a new hobby.
1. I’ve got amazing gaydar. I figured out that my uncle was into dudes when I saw him at a gay bar. He was totally making out with this guy on the dance floor and, like, grinding his crotch into the other guy’s crotch. I just knew in that moment that he was into guys. I can always tell.
2. My husband loves trying out his gaydar. So far he’s been right about all the guys at his office. The weird thing is that since he found out how many gay guys he works with, he’s been working late almost every night. And going to the gym more. And he watches so much gay porn.
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