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A Gape occurs when an orifice stays open after the thing that was in it is removed. Obviously I’m going to talk about assholes and pussies in a second, but first, I need to share a few things that made me laugh as I was writing this definition.
Because I want to bring you, the reader, a quality literary experience when you take the time out of your busy masturbating schedule, I do a lot of research on every term I define. When I was assigned the “Flaming Amazon” definition, I actually travelled to the Amazon Rainforest in South America. While I was there, I found out that the “Flaming Amazon” is not an enviro-colloquialism to describe the over-logging and destruction of the forests. It’s setting your lady’s pubes on fire and then extinguishing the flames with your ejaculated semen. Luckily, they still reimbursed me for my plane ticket and Bolivian porn charges in my hotel room.
But I digress.
So, during my research for Gape, I found a shit ton of hilarious real-life gapes in everyday life.
Did you know there is a marine creature called the GAPER CLAM!?! The GAPER CLAM! HahaHA HA HA HHAHHAHAHA! Kind of like if your animal name was the “stretched rectum”. The Gaper Clam would be the natural enemy of the Stretched Rectum in the wild. There are two other marine creatures called the Pacific Gaper (not Sasha Grey), and the Fat Gaper! So funny. How’d you like to be a marine biologist and tell people you’re studying the Fat Gaper?
There is a bird disease called “The Gapes”! HA! I’ve given a few chickens on my uncle’s farm “The Gapes”. Lonely nights. Don’t judge me. Plus, it made the eggs easier to hatch for them.
The police, to stop rubberneckers slowing down to look at accidents, put up barriers called “gape-blockers”! I kid you not! When my girlfriend wants to put up a gape-blocker, she just holds her hand in front of her anus until I stop trying to ass fuck her. Effective, I must admit.
So yeah – in summary, keep your eyes open for real-life fat gapers, birds that have “the gapes”, and police gape-blockers. Because they all actually exist.
All right. Take a breath. Back to the sexual definition of Gape.
Porn women make their ass gape by pressing down with their ass muscles as though they are going to have a shit. Because their anus us already relaxed and opened by the fucking, and there is no shit to come out (hopefully!), gaping is the result. It is sexy and gross all at once – just like the male ballsack.
Normal women can gape too, when they get fucked with something bigger than they are used to, like a bowling pin, or my penis.
1. Fred was turned on when he made his wife’s ass gape. He was concerned when it stayed open for the next six years.
2. My dick so big I make a whale gape; my dick so big it got a hero cape.” – Thomas Jefferson, third president of the USA
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