If you ever hear the phrase, ‘that girl’s got a full house,’ and you’re NOT at a poker table, then for the love of God don’t take another drink, and if that woman happens to look in your direction, run home as fast as you can and wrap your dick in cellophane before going to bed.
In gambling terms, a full house simply means having three of a kind and two of a kind in a single hand. In sexual terms, having a full house means that the person has multiple venereal diseases at the same time. Another common slang term for this is known as “Leanne’s Disease,” and it is a lot more prevalent than most people realize. There is really no way to know if the woman or man you are going to sleep with has a full house or not. The only plausible solution to this is to always wear a condom, but I think we all know that’s not going to happen. So, as a result, I’ve provided a list of tips that might help you avoid climbing into bed with a Full House.
1. When you get back to a person’s apartment, before having sex with them ask if you can use their bathroom. While you’re in there, turn on the faucet to drown out the noise as you pilfer through their medicine cabinet and read the labels. Generally, if a person only has one STD, they probably haven’t visited a doctor because the symptoms might be incredibly mild, or even non-existent. If someone has a full house, however, their genitalia probably feels like it’s on fire all the time, with tiny little rodents munching away on their most sensitive parts. These individuals will definitely have made a trip to the doctor and received some medication.
2. If the potential full house is a woman over the age of 25, ask her if she plans on having kids some day. If she says No, then she’s definitely a full house. No woman at that age ever plans on NOT having kids unless she knows that no man would ever want to send his little soldiers into her disease-ridden swampland.
3. Ask him/her if they ever went through a ‘wild phase,’ in their youth. If they say yes solemnly and regretfully, then they’re probably littered with herpes sores and warts. If they say yes and chuckle, then you’re in for a good night.
4. Tell them that you’re tired of paying for condoms, and ask them if they know where the nearest free clinic is located. If they can tell you the exact address and give specific, detailed directions without using google maps, then they’re probably a full house.
5. Last night at the bar, the hottest chick in there tried to pick me up. I was blown away! But just before I was about to bring her home, the bartender whispered into my ear that she’s carrying a Full House. I just thought my gym membership was finally starting to pay off.
6. Avoid making eye contact with someone whose carrying a full house. There’s no scientific evidence out there that disproves the theory that you can transmit sexual diseases just by looking at someone.
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