Full frontal is when you’re naked and facing the front. Standing there with your dick hanging low and ready for action. Or facing front with your pussy all exposed and your tits hanging down or bouncing up or however your tits are when they aren’t being held together by a bra.
This is what we hope to achieve with our lovers on a regular basis. Let’s just admit it, most of us walk around naked. Most of us, no matter how much we secretly loathe our bodies, are super into being naked. That’s why skinny-dipping is so appealing. That’s why we have mirrors in every room in the house, that’s why when we’re walking down the street and we stop to ‘window shop’, we’re really just checking out our own reflection in the window. We’re vain. And we like it that way.
For those of you who watch How I Met Your Mother (and for those of you who don’t….well, get your shit together and start watching), remember the episode The Naked Man? It’s the one where Robin is on a blind date and totally isn’t into him and he asks to use the washroom in their apartment and she steps out for a minute to make a phone call and when she comes back in he’s totally naked, full frontal, with his arms open and a big smile? And, even though she finds him mildly repulsive, she just giggles and goes over and gives him a hug and they totally end up doing it? Then Ted and Barney decide they’ve got to try the naked man and Lily even does it on Marshall and the theory is that it works two thirds of the time, and Lily gets laid and Ted gets laid but Barney gets thrown out of the apartment. Remember all of that in one twenty-minute episode of awesomeness?
So going full frontal, or doing ‘The Naked Man’ has some serious bonuses. Yeah you’re risking getting thrown out the person’s house, but it’s in your favour that you’re more likely to get a giggle in response and a sweet lay out of the deal.
1. I was full frontal in her living room when her grandma walked past to get a glass of water. I had no fucking idea her grandma lived with her, but I totally stopped in my tracks and pretended to be a piece of furniture, like a lamp or a bookshelf and she totally walked right by me. Either she has no peripheral vision or she’s blind even with her glasses on because she didn’t even notice me. She did notice her granddaughter come bouncing out of the bathroom in a lacy bra and panties.
2. I love being up at the cabin. I get to walk around all full frontal with my dick hanging down and nobody but the squirrels and the bugs notice. I get to walk buck-naked with my morning coffee down to the dock and watch the sunrise. Then I get to take that first early morning plunge into the lake, with my giblets all free and unencumbered. Cabin life is sweet.
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