Free The Tadpoles means cumming. The tadpoles are your semen swimmers, and freeing them refers to squirting them all over, or into something or someone. Hopefully someone.
The reason the semen is referred to as tadpoles is because the shape of a tadpole is very similar to the shape of semen. Big head, and long, skinny, swimming body. Unlike actual tadpoles, semen have no eyes. This is good, because otherwise imagine how unhappy they’d be when you shoot your load up an asshole. For the same reason, it’s good that semen doesn’t have a nose.
Free the Tadpoles sounds like it should be a political movement, but it’s not. The tadpoles are not an imprisoned group of freedom fighters. Actually, in a way I guess they are. They are imprisoned in your balls, and they fight for freedom by making you horny.
Which brings us to a companion term, “Tadpole Vision”. Tadpole Vision is when a guy hasn’t been laid in so long that his tadpoles back up all the way into his head and behind his eyes. They make him think that average looking women are hot, because at that point, any average woman will do. If untreated, he’ll begin thinking that every woman is good looking. He’ll end up freeing his tadpoles into a wretched and gross chick he meets at the local dive.
When he wakes up the next morning and his Tadpole Vision has been drained, he’s going to have a nasty surprise. Suddenly, the hot chick from last night has transformed into the wretched and gross chick she always was. All he can do at this point is pray his condom didn’t break, and they ended up back at her place. If they went back to his place, now she knows where he lives. Not good.
Point being, a man should free his tadpoles at least four times a week. If he’s not getting any pussy, then masturbate. There is nothing wrong with freeing your tadpoles into a Kleenex after watching some hot Gianna Michaels videos. I myself freed my tadpoles to one of her videos this morning. Good times.
Tadpoles are also known as pollywogs, so if someone tells you that they Freed their Pollywogs on your wife, you should still be concerned.
When I first heard tadpoles in reference to sex, I thought it meant a little dick. Because “tad” means small amount, and “pole” is a nickname for a guy’s penis. It just goes to show you that I am not always right. Just almost always.
1. Luke Skywalker didn’t know that Princess Leia was his sister for the first few years they knew each other. He had a huge crush on her, but so did Han Solo. To be fair, she had led Luke on by giving him a couple of passionate kisses. While he was training with Yoda, he used The Force to give himself a hands-free jerk. Yoda watched him Free the Tadpoles all over R2D2.
2. Pee Wee Herman wanted to Free the Tadpoles in a porn theater. He got arrested.
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