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Femoral Coitus is the act of using one partner’s thighs as a pseudo-vagina. Humping and thrusting, a male can achieve both an erection and blow his load.
Plenty of lube must be used to partake in femoral coitus. This lube can be synthetic or natural; flavored or medicinal-tasting. Without proper lubrication, a man can experience painful chafing or a rash. The woman whose thighs are being thrusted into must have smooth legs, preferably shaven a few hours before. If the woman has moisturized with a thick cream, it must be removed before lubrication as heavy moisturizers (usually scented) will break down lubricants, leaving the dick raw and uncomfortable.
There are various angles or positions where femoral coitus is successful. The most obvious one is missionary, where the male drives his shaft just under the woman’s beaver and pumps til morning. This works well while standing up, sitting, or laying down. Sex swings are also an option.
Another femoral coitus position is from behind – the man pumps his junk just below the anus (ok, a little further down), usually holding onto the woman’s love handles or hips. Again, this position is popular while standing up, but not so much sitting. Doggy style is great here too.
If a couple is young or extremely religious and not married, they will opt for femoral coitus. This way they are retaining their virginity while still somewhat getting their jollies (the dude at least). The girl receiving the glorified thigh massage experiences nothing more than… well, a thigh massage. She may find that her thighs become smooth and soft due to the exfoliation from the movements against her skin. Repetitive femoral is favorable for the man, because the woman’s thighs become increasingly more smooth and slippery.
Sometimes femoral coitus is performed accidentally. You yourself have probably experienced it without knowing the proper term. You’re giving it to your lady one night, and the rhythm gets the best out of you. You slip out for a few pumps and don’t really realize it until she looks back at you (doggy style, obviously) annoyed and unsatisfied. Turns out you’ve been pounding her thighs and she’s far from climax now. And oops, you’re done. Better luck next time, thunder thighs!
Skinny chicks have a rough go with femoral coitus. Have you ever seen those girls walking around in malls wearing skinny jeans? You look at their sweet spot to see that their thighs couldn’t touch each other even with the jaws of life. With these women, either fuck their gash, ass, or a donut – because even with their legs duct-taped together, you won’t get any friction in between those toothpicks.
Alternatives to femoral sex include sex between the knees or between the soles of the feet (See foot jobs or foot fetishes). These parts of the body usually carry less fat and contain more bones that protrude and therefore your dick is more prone to injury. Being a thigh-master is a safe, affordable way to blow your load while refraining from any pregnancies or amoral behavior!
1. For twenty minutes last night I wasn’t doing her crack, I was doing some femoral coitus!
2. As an ultra orthodox, I only partake in femoral coitus as to please my boyfriend and please the lord!
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