Click To Enlarge
Fart Hammer means to cum in a girl’s face and follow it up with a fart. I suppose if a woman was a squirter when she came, then she could also perform the fart hammer. Now there’s something to tell the ladies at your next book club meeting:
“I thought the character of Harold was really just a metaphor for the author’s own unstable relationship with changing sexual dynamics in the ghetto. Oh, and speaking of sexual dynamics, I unleashed a monster fart hammer on Jim last night. He was so mad, but I couldn’t stop laughing. Good times. Where’s the double-ended dildo?”
I assume that ladies’ book clubs degenerate into double-ended dildo lesbian action by the end of the meeting. Can’t confirm it, but it’s my theory.
However, since I consider the female orgasm to be a myth, the lady fart hammer remains a dream. A hot, sticky, salty, shit-smelling dream.
If you’re going to perform the fart hammer on a woman, I assume it’s because you’re going to make a run for it afterwards. Based on this assumption, the cum shot you blow in her face to begin the fart hammer should be aimed at her eyes. That way, after the fart portion is accomplished, she’ll have a hard time seeing you. She’ll be tempted to strike out at you, but thanks to your man milk in her corneas, you’ll be a long-gone white blur.
It’s not actually that far-fetched an accomplishment, the fart hammer. Actually, about 90% of my orgasms are accompanied by a fart already. They’re usually simultaneous, so I’d have to train myself to stagger the fart for a few seconds after the cum blast. But anything worth doing right, as they say.
I also fart when I sneeze. I think they refer to those as a snart. I’ve never pulled off the triple fart-cum-sneeze all at once, but I’m looking forward to that glorious day.
What I’d like to see is a bukakke session that incorporates the fart hammer. So, you get a half dozen guys all taking turns cumming on one woman’s face. But before the next man steps up to give her his load, the previous man leaves her with a big fart face. Ideally, the shit particles from all the men would gradually turn the face full of jizz she’s got a little brown in color. Not totally brown, but just a hint of brown from the farts.
Yeah, that’s the stuff.
1. Lady Gaga woke up in a daze. As her vision began to clear, she realized she was being fucked by a man in missionary position. She began to realize that she had accidentally roofied her own drink, instead of his. She was conscious, but couldn’t move or speak. Suddenly, he pulled out of her pussy and sprayed his load onto her face. She thought it was over. But then he turned around and gave her a big, wet fart hammer. It made her cum.
2. Tiny Tim got a fart hammer from Scrooge when he was still a bad guy.
RELATED TERMS: