Slang for testicles. Balls. Family jewels is not in regular parlance anymore. The shit eating bully in grade school would have used this term after he kicked you in the balls playing street hockey. He probably heard it from his grandpa, who probably heard it from a 50s gangster movie.
Anyway, family jewels bring to mind some old world concepts such as the male being the prized member of the family because of his ability to spread the family genes around the ‘ol village like it was margarine (filthy little beggar!). Family jewels also references royalty and lineage, the way that royal families need the males to fuck wisely in order to prolong their dirty diseased ridden genetic chain as far as it would go.
Lastly, family jewels reminds us that those sweaty dangling friglets that we like to scratch, cup, swat, ask our girlfriends to suck (but they never want to because they’re stupid bitches), should be prized and honoured by all those who behold them…or just hold them.
This term is now synonymous with that Gene Simmons TV show which serves that asshole right. When future generations open a dictionary and turn to the entry on family jewels, they will see a picture of his stinky old haggard and wrinkly face.
1. Honey, you’re a goddess and a queen, that’s why for Christmas I’m giving you the family jewels to wear as a hat!
2. Remember son kick ‘em in the family jewels!
RELATED TERMS:
Testicles