Eskimo Pie is a slang term for a frigid woman. In other words, her pussy (pie) is cold (like an Eskimo). An Eskimo Pie is the worst thing that can happen to a man who thinks his lady is going to be a normal hot-blooded human being with sexual needs from time to time.
The absolute worst thing is an Eskimo Pie that is hot. Believe me, I know. I once dated a young woman that was fifteen years younger than me. She was hot, young, and fun. We started flirting and eventually dating. This was the sexual frequency during the five months we dated:
First month: Sex 5 times
Second month: Sex 2 times
Third month: No sex
Fourth month: Sex 1 time
Fifth month: Dump City, population her.
During the second and third months of dating, I would ask her why we weren’t having more sex. She’d explain that she wanted to wait until she was in the mood, and just wasn’t “feeling it”. I asked her, in an ideal world, how much sex she’d have if she could. She told me once a day! So, I stayed with her.
She had great tits. Perky c-cups that defied gravity. So, even though we weren’t having sex, I’d grab her boobs while we snuggled as she slept. Then I’d masturbate beside her and cum on her pajamas. She never knew.
After the fourth month, I confronted her. I told her that if she wanted to be friends, that would be fine. But, if she wanted to be in a monogamous relationship, she’d have to start giving it up. She’d cry and say that she loved me, so I stayed with her for one more month. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I dumped her and immediately had sex with a series of ten different sluts I met at different parties and bars. It was great.
Sometimes I see her in Facebook pictures with her new boyfriends. They all have the exact same look on their faces that I had when I was dating her. They’re trying to put on a smile, but they have big blue balls from not getting laid at all. I feel bad for them, and wish I could have warned them.
Hopefully, eventually, she’ll find the right guy for her. Someone that will make her want to fuck. I hope it happens sooner, rather than later, because her fantastic body won’t last forever. It’d be a shame if she finally sheds her frigid sexuality and she’s in a nursing hospital. Although, from what I hear, those old timers are having a lot of sex in those retirement communities. Randy old buggers.
1. Tony’s wife is a real Eskimo Pie. She hasn’t blown him since their honeymoon. Tony has developed a porn habit that would make a teen boy blush.
2. Charlene was an Eskimo Pie until she started smoking pot. Now she gets relaxed, and wants to fuck. She’s dating her dealer.
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