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Erect means that a man’s penis is in its boner state, as opposed to its flaccid state. Let’s say you’re a man. Open up a new browser window beside this one. Now, pick any of the videos on Orgasm.com that feature a little lady named Faye Reagan. (Speaking of erect – her nipples are almost always at attention). Begin playing the Faye Reagan porn video. Watch it for about a minute.
Do you feel your pants fitting a little tighter? That’s your penis becoming erect. Now, close the Faye Reagan video and continue reading. Or, close this window and masturbate. The choice is yours.
I can’t believe you chose to continue reading! I know my prose is eloquent, insightful, hilarious and informative, but Jesus Christ, dude. We’re talking about Faye Reagan here! OK, maybe red heads aren’t your thing, but still. I guess I should be flattered that you chose me over her, but to be honest, I don’t really understand.
I was half tempted to quit this Dickipedia definition and masturbate to Faye myself. It’s only because I’ve already cranked out a couple loads this morning that I am sticking (literally) with this definition. So, let’s get on with it.
There are many factors that can inhibit an erection. Alcohol is a big one. Too much alcohol can make you totally unable to get a boner. The best amount of alcohol is the amount that makes it so that your boner still gets erect, and you can last longer in bed because you’ve got what is known as “whiskey dick”. Whiskey dick is my favorite, because it makes whoever I’m fucking think I’ve got tremendous staying power. What they don’t know is that without the alcohol, I would have sprayed my load in less than a minute. Sometimes whiskey dick can backfire because you end up fucking forever, without being able to climax. In those situations, fake your orgasm, guys.
Cold water also inhibits erections. If you want to get rid of a pesky erection, take a cold shower. Works like a charm. That’s the problem with skinny dipping with a woman. Unless the water is really warm, your little soldier is going to retreat. Hot tubs, on the other hand, are great for fucking around in.
If you have trouble maintaining an erection, talk to your doctor and try some of the fantastic boner pills on the market. Combining a boner pill with whiskey dick in just the right proportions will leave you and your lady feeling very, very satisfied.
There. I think I’ve covered the bases when it comes to being erect. Now it’s time to visit a little lady named Fay Reagan. Lates, brah!
1. Coldplay makes Dave’s erect penis go soft. But it makes Gwyneth’s nipples erect.
2. Gary was pleased when he woke up and saw his erect penis. He was worried that his dick was broken after he stuck it in the vacuum cleaner the night before.
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