Engayed is when two gay men get engaged. I don’t think I’ve ever been directly witnessed to this wicked and bad ass phenomenon that we know and love, but I’ve definitely had some gay friends who’ve tied the knot. One lovely Canadian couple I know tied the knot twice. Once back in 2002 before it was legal, and again three years later, in 2005 when marriage equality became the hottest thing in Canada. I wasn’t at their first wedding, which was apparently a sexy black tie affair. My friend, the younger of the two, was only twenty-two when he married his boyfriend, and they’ve so super lasted. Their second legal wedding was an awesome potluck in my friend’s mom’s backyard. I read a Hawksley Workman quote and brought potato salad. We all got super wasted and listened to all the classics from the 90s and some of us made out in the grass and the rest of us smoked and looked up at the stars and tried not to wonder when we’d have that kind of love and staying power in our relationships. Most of us never got it. Most of us ended up in sad regular engagements that either didn’t last or totally did and we ended up in sad annoying marriages that made us hate the person we’re with almost as much as we hate ourselves.
Regular engagements are freaky and scary and make most of us (well, most of us who are honest with ourselves) terrified of the future. Engayments, however, are thrilling and rebellious and awesome and make us all wish we were gay. Maybe it’s because there are so many stereotypes that go along with regular marriages that we’re all extremely gun-shy. Maybe we all secretly want nothing more but to have the security that comes with marriage without any of the obligation or responsibility to that other person and to your relationship. Maybe we all just want to fuck around.
If you get engayed, it’s crucial that you spend the appropriate amount of time flaunting your engayment. Have a super hot engayment party, complete with champagne flutes and fancy sandwiches and crème brule. Get everyone to dress up all suave and tell stories of how awesome your relationship is. Make sure to brag to all your friends who live in other countries where same-sex marriage isn’t legally recognized. Make your friends jealous. The sex they’re having is not nearly as hot as what you’re getting, plus they have to deal with the horrifying gender stereotypes that plague their lives.
1. I just totally got engayed. I can’t wait for my boyfriend to become my big gay husband. We’re totally getting matching cock rings for the ceremony.
2. My engayment party was hotter than Bella Swans big gay wedding on Twilight. She thought she was such a fucking queen. I’ll show that skinny bitch how to truly appreciate a man. If I had Edward, his hot vampire cock would never leave my mouth.
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