Dracula’s Teabag is a humorous slang expression meaning a used tampon.
It is pretty funny, if you know what a used tampon is, and understand that Dracula lives on blood. In case you don’t know, a used tampon is a small cotton wad on the end of a piece of string (which makes it look just like a teabag). When a woman is on her period, she inserts the tampon into her pussy, and it absorbs her menstrual blood. If Dracula were to get a hold of a used one, he could dunk it into his mug of hot water, and make himself a nice blood tea.
It might seem gross to you, but for the fictional character of Dracula, it’d be a nice way to spend some alone time at the end of a long night.
When I hear “Dracula’s Tampon” I immediately imagine him relaxing at home, reading a book about wolves. His hand reaches over to the teacup on his chair-side table. He grabs the white string of the tampon, which has been steeping in the cup, and lifts and lowers it a few times – letting every last drop of the menstrual blood drip into the hot water. He takes a sip, feels all warm and fuzzy, and continues reading.
If a tampon is worn too long, a woman can suffer from fatal Toxic Shock Syndrome. Dracula loves it when this happens, although it is relatively rare (4 out of every 100,000 tampons per year). Luckily, most women know the risks involved in keeping a tampon in too long, and their pussy juices being absorbed as well as the blood, resulting in the Toxic Shock Syndrome. As though it isn’t bad enough that you have to bleed out of your pussy for a week every month, now if you try to keep it under control with a tampon for too long, you could die.
I’m so glad I’m a man. If I bled out of my dick for a week every month, it would seriously compromise my slut slamming.
Some men avoid any sexual contact with a woman’s pussy during her menstrual cycle. Dracula would not. He’d get his face right in there during her heaviest flow and give her some intense cunnilingus. For myself, I usually avoid the pussy during a woman’s period and enjoy what I like to call “Blowjob Week”. It’s a wonderful week where I get some peace and quiet while she her mouth is full of my dick for seven days.
And before you get all up in arms, ladies, let me remind you that they used to send menstruating women out in to the woods for their periods. At least I still let my girlfriends hang around and blow me. Because I am nice.
1. Sandra had a deal with her Goth boyfriend. He got to have her Dracula’s Teabag when she had finished with it, but he had to cheer the fuck up.
2. The Red Cross does not want your Dracula’s Teabag during their blood drive.
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