We’ve all heard of Dopplegangers, and if we’re lucky enough in our lives we’ll someday meet them, or have a friend who sees them on the subway or riding the bus on the way to work. A Dopplebanger, on the other hand, is not a positive thing and is usually something that you should try to avoid for your entire sexually active life.
A dopplebanger is one of those eerily strange sexual phenomenon where someone has sex with another person who looks identical to them, even though they’re not related (at least to their knowledge). Chances are, they were the byproduct of an affair, a regular visit from a horny mailman, or a prostitute who gave both her babies up for adoption. Of course, to their knowledge, they were raised by their biological parents their whole life, and that’s as much as they know about it. So, when they find themselves one night at the bar hitting on a member of the opposite sex who happens to look extremely similar to them, and oddly enough shares similar mannerisms, the last thing they think of when they’re climaxing later that night is that they just had sex with their long lost sibling. But, sadly to say, it happens. Often.
Of course, that isn’t to say that ALL dopplebangers are actually identical twins separated at birth. In some cases, a true dopplebanger exists, and although it’s not technically incest or illegal for those two individuals to bang, it’s still incredibly creepy to all of their friends.
Perhaps the worst case of dopplebanger mistaken-identity was a couple from New England, who were married for seven years and had three children together. Over the years, the parents noticed that each of their children were a little slow, and looked strangely like they suffered from Downs Syndrome even though the Doctor’s swear that they don’t have it. Finally, one day the couple accidentally discovered through a random DNA test at the hospital that they were actually identical twins separated at birth and given up for adoption in completely different states.
Not surprisingly, the couple declined every single interview suggested by news media and reporters, and they have since separated, cut off all contact with each other, and moved to completely different countries. So, the moral of the story and the lesson learned from this dopplebanger experience is that it’s never worth the risk to have sex with someone who looks just like you, no matter how hot you think you are. If a member of the opposite sex who looks eerily familiar and keeps finishing all of your sentences for you even though you just met, don’t be fooled into thinking it’s love at first sight or true love at last. Chances are, your Mother was a whore and that person is your sibling. If you’re still tempted to sleep with them, just try imagining your future children, glossy eyed mongrels named Opie who can barely string a sentence together at the age of 15. If that still doesn’t turn you off, then chances are you’re into incest, and I’m sure there are some fetish sites you could visit.
1. If you see your dopplebanger one night and you’re worried she might be related, but you’re still really attracted to her, just don’t give her your real name and make sure you use a condom. There’s no harm in pretending you didn’t notice the similarity, as long as you never see her again.
2. If I ever had sex with my dopplebanger, I’d never admit it to anyone. The female version of me would NOT be attractive.
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