The Donkey Punch is when you’re having sex with a girl’s vagina in doggy style position, and just before you cum, you stick your dick in her pooper and punch her in the back of the head. I tried this move while I was dating Mohammed Ali’s daughter, the professional female boxer. She turned around and punched me so hard that my head popped off my body and rolled away. Point being, make sure your lady has a helmet on and knows the punch is coming. Otherwise, you can bet she’ll be very angry, and will probably press charges against you.
Let’s face it: we all want to punch our lover in the back of the head at one point or another during our sex lives. Maybe they ate the last Fig Newton earlier that night. Delicious, delicious Fig Newtons. Maybe they farted while you were giving them oral sex during the foreplay. It was silent but violent. Maybe they sound like Bob Dylan when they moan, and you want them to shut up.
We’ve all been there. You’re pounding away doggy style, and their head is right there. Waiting. Almost taunting you. Pleading with you to punch it.
But don’t. Not until you talk to your lover first.
I find that it’s always a bad idea to surprise your lover with any pain play. Oh sure, sometimes a little smack on the ass is fun. But I’m talking about real pain. Out of the twenty-five women I’ve surprised with pain during sex, I’d say only two or three were into it. The other twenty-three were angry, hurt, and tempted to call the cops. Not fun. That’s why communication is key when it comes to pain play.
In fact, I think the fabled donkey punch is really only good for homicidal lunatics that are with a hooker that they plan to kill after they fuck her. Obviously this is against the law, but I assume it happens. So, the crazy killer is fucking the whore, and is about to cum. He pulls out of her pussy and slides into her asshole. She starts to turn around to protest, but he punches her in the back of the head, knocking her out.
Now he’s got to kill her and hide the body. That’s a lot of work. It’s also wrong.
So, long story short, don’t punch anybody in the back of the head unless they want it. Or, unless you’re a lunatic killer that will end up getting cornered by the cops in a shoot-out in a truck-stop arcade on Route 66.
Also, don’t take somebody’s last Fig Newton. Otherwise, you’re asking for trouble.
1. A kinky dwarf tried to donkey punch his girlfriend, but his arms were too short. So, he just spit in her hair instead.
2. After getting kicked in the head by a horse, Larry donkey punches his sex doll every night before bed time.
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