To disobey the pope is to masturbate. This is definitely true, but the pope hates a lot of other things and it’s kind of difficult to keep track. Like, the pope really hates it when people refer to embryos and fetuses AS embryos and fetuses. He would really prefer if you label those cells as ‘babies’ and then he’d really rather you didn’t ‘murder’ those ‘babies’. And he’d be so inclined to save those ‘babies’ that he’s totally fine is some doctor gets killed for his or her abortion services. Because, you know, fetuses and embryos are helpless little creatures and full-grown humans are crazy ‘baby killers’ and we should totally kill them just to prove a point.
Did you know that the pope is super awesome?
Another way to disobey the pope is to have vaginal sex before marriage, OR to have vaginal sex after you’re married, but NOT with the purposes of procreation. By the way, the pope is totally cool with having as much ass sex or tongue sex or ear sex, or child sex, but don’t fuck your penis is some chick’s twat and don’t, no matter what, stick your dick in your hand and rub your hand back and forth. Oh, and don’t be gay. Even though technically, according to the pope, butt sex and blowjobs don’t count as sex, so being gay should, technically, be totally fine. I’m sensing a bit of inconsistency here.
Whatever you do, make sure to rape children along the way because the pope is super approving of that and will jump to your defense, especially if you’re a Catholic priest. If you’re a priest who is into molesting and abusing children you’ll have your career set out for you. But if you’re a consenting adult who just wants to hold off on conceiving for a while, you better get in that forgiveness and repentance line now. It’s gonna be filled with, like, 98% of the population, so it’s gonna be a long wait. Forgiving consenting adults keeps the pope’s job busy. IF only there were more people willing to abuse children, then maybe we wouldn’t need the pope to do such a bang up job of policing our sexual lives.
If you want to disobey the pope, you should probably try to get legally married to someone who has the same lady or man junk that you do. The pope will be super against it, and will continue to use his freaky religious influence to try to dictate the lives of people who do not subscribe to the Catholic Church. He’ll also do that righteous job of speaking for all Catholics when he says things like, ‘gay marriage threatens the future of humanity itself’, which is kind of ironic since he seems to be saying that if gays can marry, all men and women will decide they want to get gay married, even the straight ones. And within just a few weeks the human race will die out. Just like that.
Sorry Benedict, but your douchey opinions are useless and you’re an old outdated bigoted ass-hat who has no value in our world.
1. I’m disobeying the pope ALL night!
2. The pope’s been disobeying me by being a bigoted blow hole, so I’m going to disobey him by licking my best friend’s pussy.
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