A December-May Romance is a relationship between two people of disparate ages. Remember when Anna Nicole Smith married the 90 year-old billionaire? That’s a December-May Romance. Anna Nicole Smith would be considered May (Spring – things are young and in bloom), and the 90 year old perv would be December (Winter – time to die, old man). Granted, whatever the world may think of him, that crazy rich fucker got to use her fun bags as his personal pillows for the last few years of his lucky life.
A December-May Romance doesn’t necessarily mean that it has to be an older man. It could just as easily be a MILF dating a young man in his early twenties. She would be considered a cougar, and he would be her prey. For some reason it seems less inappropriate when an older woman dates a younger man, but I think that’s just a double standard. Just like a man that fucks a lot is a stud, but a woman that fucks a lot is a slut. It’s not fair, and I won’t abide it.
A good example of a December-May Romance where the MILF is older was the relationship that Demi Moore and Ashton Kutchor had. She was in her fifties, and he was in his twenties. Atta girl, Demi! That’s the way you do it. Of course they broke up because he got caught cheating on her with some sweet young pussy his own age. Can’t blame ya, Ashton. I’d do the same thing.
There are DILFs too. Those are Dads I’d Like to Fuck. A hot dad that is divorced and dating a hot twenty-something woman is a relationship that is occurring more and more, as divorce rates skyrocket. Hey – if the babysitter is legal and hot for you, why the heck not? She could turn into your trophy wife – (that’s a hot young woman an older man marries to look like a stud.)
The trick for either sex that has a relationship with a younger person is something that Dan Savage calls the “camping rule”. That’s where you leave the young person in as good shape as you found them in. A solid theory, Dan. Just because you’re older and could do a bunch of emotional damage to the impressionable youngster, doesn’t mean you should. I’m looking at you, Michael Douglas.
If you’re a man and you date a much younger woman, you might be accused of cradle robbing. It’s not such a bad insult, as long as she actually is over eighteen. If she isn’t, you’re in for a visit from the law, my friend. But don’t get me started on the dangers of jail bait. I think women should have to tattoo their actual age on the back of their neck, so that there isn’t ever any misunderstanding.
The hottest December-May romance is the one that Selena Gomez and I have in my mind. I’ve taught her a thing or two about a thing or two.
1. I respect the older person in every December-May Romance.
2. Sometimes there is very little romance in a December-May Romance. Just sex.
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