Coming Out of the Closet is a colloquial way of saying that a gay, lesbian, or transgendered person discloses that they are not heterosexual, and admits to friends and family their true sexuality. It is a scary and liberating time for the person, based on all the “very special” episodes of various television sitcoms I saw in the nineties.
Even if you live somewhere full of homophobes, you should still come out of the closet. Why? Because there are a lot of other people too scared to come out of the closet, just like you.
You start the chain reaction. You proudly proclaim that you are gay.
And you get physically or emotionally beat up for it. Or both.
But someone feels emboldened by you coming out, so they come out.
And they get physically or emotionally beat up for it. Or both.
But now the two of you embolden two more people. And they get beat up. But you embolden four more. And so on until you’ve got yourself a thriving gay, lesbian, and transgender community. Then nobody beats you up anymore. You’ve got a community.
Once you’ve got a community, you open up gay, lesbian, and transgender positive stores and restaurants. Now you’re a gay pillar of the community.
Then, organize yourself a pride parade.
Pretty soon all the assholes that physically and mentally beat you up begin to see that love is love. They bring their wife down to watch the pride parade, and maybe even wear the rainbow beads that they get thrown from the floats.
Maybe they have a flashblack during the parade and remember the time back in the locker room in high school when they couldn’t stop staring at Tommy Mitchelson’s cock and balls. Maybe they remember Tommy Mitchelson catching them staring, and shouting, “Stop staring at my dick, faggot!” loud enough for everyone to hear. Maybe that’s when they decided to hide their own sexual curiosity and become a homophobe out of fear.
Maybe they realize that they’ve always been gay. And he tells his wife that he wants a divorce. And she understands, because she’s always been a lesbian, but too afraid to tell her parents. And then the guy runs up to the float that you’re dancing on. And you’re worried that he’s going to beat you up again. But instead he climbs up and puts your cock in his mouth.
And he gives you the most karma-cleansing, soul-searching, satisfying blowjob of your gay life.
That’s best case scenario, granted.
You’re here. You’re queer. Get used to it.
1. Coming Out of the Closet was not easy for Justin Bieber. His management company warned him that he wouldn’t sell any more records to tween girls if they found out he was a twink. Plus, he’d be breaking Selena Gomez’s heart. After some soul searching and a big doobie, he posted a video on youtube admitting his gayness.
2. Male figure skaters don’t have to worry about Coming Out of the Closet. Everybody already knows. Stereotype, much?!
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