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A clam diver is a person who loves giving cunnilingus. Whoever doesn’t love giving a woman head is gay. Unless you’re a woman who doesn’t love giving another woman head. Then you’re just missing out.
Diving for clams is really about your own willingness to get your face right into a woman’s pussy. Not just your tongue, but your mouth, your nose, your chin. You should have her pussy juices all over you face when you’re done, or you didn’t do it right. If you’re a dude with a beard, you should be able to smell her on your beard for the rest of the day. If you’re a chick, you should be able to run your tongue along your lips and taste all that delicious clam.
I’ve done a lot of scuba diving and I’ve eaten a lot of pussy. There are definitely some similarities between the two. First of all, the smell. That delicious, slightly sour, moist, succulent smell of ocean and pussy go hand-in-hand. Pussy doesn’t smell like fish, but it does smell sea-creature-esque, in the most amazing way possible. Second of all, the ocean is wet and pussies are meant to be wet. Wet and slippery and full of amazing things like the clitoris with it’s thousands and billions of nerves or the sea sponges and slugs and urchins. There’s a lot of discovery going on when it comes to pussies and the ocean. You may need a flashlight, you may get tangled up in there, and you may run out of air (even with the tank that was full when you started), but it will be so worth it. If you have an underwater camera, use it. Make sure to exchange your classes for a nice set of contacts and never EVER hold your breath. That’s the number one rule in both scuba and clam diving. Always breathe. In scuba, if you hold your breath you could get the bends and end up with permanent brain damage. With clam, if you hold your breath you could pass out, fall off the bed and knock yourself unconscious by hitting your head against the dresser by the bed, rendering yourself in a coma which you might never wake up from.
But there are risks in everything and that shouldn’t stop us from exploring some of the universes’ most beautiful and desirable terrain on earth. Many of us don’t take those risks because we’re too afraid of the consequences, but you must ask yourself, ‘have I really lived?’. If you haven’t gone diving for clams, you probably haven’t. And don’t get me started on clam bakes. Those are a MUST, and should be mandatory experiences for all humans.
1. I’m going clam diving and it’s gonna be awesome. This chick’s pussy is so sexy, I’m going to be collecting clams all night!
2. Is clam diving the same as a clam bake? And will either of them make me fat? I’ll eat whatever has the least amount of calories.
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