A Carpenter’s Dream is a woman that is flat as a board and needs a screw.
Hey-O!
I’ve also heard that a Carpenter’s Dream is a woman that is flat as a board, and easy to nail. Either works and both are funny. Basically a horny woman with no tits.
The Carpenter’s Dream is different than a Pirate’s Dream, which is a woman with a sunken chest, and a big booty. Don’t confuse them.
Celebrity Carpenter’s Dreams include flatties Keira Knightly, Natalie Portman, Kate Hudson, and Milla Jovovich. My favorite carpenter’s dream is ‘Harry Potter’ actress Emma Watson. I can say that, right? She’s over eighteen, isn’t she?
Wait… let me Wikipedia her real quick…
Yep. Over eighteen. Emma Watson is one foxy-ass Carpenter’s Dream. I’d love to bevel that dove-tail joint allllll night long, if you know what I mean.
The complete opposite of the Carpenter’s Dream is a woman known as a Black and Decker Pecker Wrecker. She is not what a good carpenter wants. Unless she’s packing an over-the-shoulder boulder holder. Then, maybe.
Ladies, I should point out here that flat-chested women are awesome. You aren’t just for carpenters anymore. It doesn’t matter if you’ve got mosquito bite tits, as long as you’re over eighteen, like Emma Watson. In fact, dating flat-chested women has several advantages, both in the short term and the long term.
First of all, men look you in the eyes. That’s huge. You can run and jump more easily, which is good when you’re chasing your hat. You won’t have any future back problems and your tits won’t sag down to your knees when you’re old. That’s why I eventually want to settle down with a hot, young, flat-chested woman, after I’ve fucked a million women with big, juicy tits. Because let’s face it – big tits are way more fun.
Don’t get me wrong – I love small tits on women. They’re usually more sensitive and perky. I actually brought a woman with A-cup tits to orgasm once just by sucking and pinching her nipples. Never had that happen with a large-breasted woman. Oh, they love the tit-play too, but never orgasmically. Not yet anyway…
If you ever do meet a Carpenter’s Dream, and she turns out to be cherry wood, verify her age with the local justice of the peace before putting the first nail in her. Unless it’s Emma Watson. I already Wikipedia’ed her, and she’s definitely over eighteen. Emma, call me – cherrywood or not, I’d love to get my “tongue in groove”.
That’s a carpentry term.
Peace!
1. I love watching Michelle Pfeiffer walking around in her skimpy tops and bathing suit in the movie “Scarface”. She is the sexiest 80’s Carpenter’s Dream, bar none. She was also really hot in “Grease 2 – Electric Boogaloo”.
2. Kevin wasn’t sure if he was chatting up a Carpenter’s Dream or a transvestite at the local bar. After seven beers, he figured either way was fine, and they went back to Kevin’s place at last call.
RELATED TERMS:
Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder