Cactus Legs is something any married or common law man will understand, but not necessarily enjoy. Cactus Legs refers to that disgusting feeling when you slide your hand down a woman’s legs when she hasn’t shaved in a long time. She’s got those stubbly, prickling hairs sticking up all over the place and when you rake your hands over top of them you can barely keep a semi-erection for the rest of the night.
Now, Cactus legs usually occur after a no shave period of three to 7 days in length, so really, it can happen to any girl. However, if you happen to be dating a hippie, feminist, or Tom Boy, then Cactus Legs are the least of your worries. Chances are, you’ll experience far worse in your lifetime, reaching down one night beneath the covers only to discover that you’re married to the lower half of Chewbaka.
1. Whenever my girlfriend ends up with Cactus Legs, I secretly buy her a day at the spa to get a bikini wax and a massage. She ALWAYS makes sure she shaved beforehand, because she gets super embarrassed if she goes there with hairy legs. It’s an expensive way for me to get smooth legs 95% of the time, but its well worth it.
2. If your wife sometimes has Cactus Legs, just stop shaving your balls for a few months. When she finally complains, just innocently say, “I thought you weren’t that concerned with body hair…” She’ll get the hint immediately.
RELATED TERMS: