A booty text is the lazy, low-commitment version of the booty call. When you don’t really feel like actually talking to anyone, you can just send a quick text that asks the person if they’re up for something. Once you get past a certain point, you can basically just text them the appropriate emoticon and that should do the trick.
Booty texts don’t work for me the way I feel they should. Maybe it’s different when you’re in a long distance relationship, but booty texts quickly and easily turn into practical texts, like about putting the laundry in the drier, throwing out the leftovers that have gone bad, or picking up cat food. It’s not that you aren’t trying to be sexual in your texts, but they ultimately wind up being about the day-to-day grind. It’s kind of depressing. The other day I was wearing this little pokadotted skirt and vacuuming the house and, thinking it was the perfect time to text my partner and tell him about how adorable I looked and how it was pretty fucking likely he was going to open the front door in a few hours and find me kneeling in our hallway with my mouth open and my tits springing out of my blouse, but as soon as I went to send the text I realized I had typed out ‘don’t forget, therapy tonight’ instead. And it wasn’t sex therapy, and it wasn’t some code for, don’t forget, blowjob therapy tonight, as in I’m going to blow the fuck out of your dick tonight, it was simply a reminder that we have stupid couples counseling because we have trust issues. And then I looked down and realized I wasn’t even wearing the fucking pokadotted skirt, but I was in my sweats, the ones I’d slept in the night before and I had a bandana tied around my greasy hair and I wasn’t wearing a bra so my tits were all swaying around and looking uncomfortably awkward and my shirt had an oatmeal stain on it and we don’t even having FUCKING KIDS YET, but this is as far as we can make it with our booty texts.
So maybe booty texts really only work with people you aren’t in a relationship with. Maybe they’re meant for the free of heart, the monogamish (those in a relationship who aren’t totally monogamous), or those in open or poly relationships. Perhaps there’s no room for booty texting when you’re about to get married.
Except that can’t be true, because a friend of mine just recently texted her husband with this line ‘You make me hard.’. So there’s got to be hope, right? I’m getting that pokadot skirt back on, bitches!
1. I sent her a booty text and she totally responded with a super happy face emoticon. It is SO on!
2. She booty texted me while I was at my wedding. She knows I can’t fuck her until after the ceremony. What the fuck is wrong with some chicks?
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