Methods of contraception that prevent sperm from entering the fallopian tubes through means of a barrier. This goes back to ancient times when women would stick all kinds of junk in their lady parts to stop the sperm from swimming home.

Nowadays we have rubber diaphragms, the female condom, and sanitary stuff like that, but back in the olden days they had to use things like leaves and bits of leather and all kinds of dirty shit. Oh, and they used shit, too. Literally! Apparently some women used to insert a mixture of straw and camel dung up their twats to keep from getting pregnant. Camel dung? Seriously? Have you ever seen a camel? Those beasts reek. I wouldn’t put anything that came out of a camel’s mouth on my junkshop, let alone anything that came out its fat, nasty cornhole.

The first time I heard about ladies sticking camel shit in their poon, I had nightmares: mutant camel shit babies, anyone? Now, every time I have sex with someone new, I have to ask her is she has any camel crap in her snatch. If the answer is no, then we’re good to go! If she slaps me in the face, she probably wasn’t the girl for me anyway.

1. The wife and I trying out the barrier method because we’re tired of spending money on condoms, and because we don’t want any stupid fucking kids ruining all our shit.

2. Have you ever tried the barrier method? First, you need some camel dung… hello?

RELATED TERMS:

Coitus Interruptus

Condom