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Baby Batter is a slang term for semen. It is playing with the fact that your baby-making semen looks like biscuit batter when it squirts out of your dick. It is one of my favorite synonyms for semen, right up there with cock snot and joy juice.
Baby batter is a funny substance, all things considered. All a guy wants to do is get rid of it, but most of us don’t want it to get to where it’s ideally supposed to go. After all, I’d suggest that 90% of men having sex in the world today don’t want to get their fuck friend pregnant. So, that’s 90% of men squirting their baby batter somewhere they hope won’t end up getting the woman pregnant. Places that are good for this result include: down her throat, in her asshole, on her tits, into a condom, all over her face, and, my favorite, into her hair.
Baby batter can be a bitch to wash out of certain materials. For guys out there masturbating, do yourself a favor if your computer chair is made with fabric. Put a towel down and sit on that. No matter how careful you are, some of your cum is going to end up on your computer chair. And it’s hard to get out if you leave it there too long. My computer chair looks like it’s made out of zebra skin because there is so much cum staining on it.
President Clinton learned the hard way about cum stains staying on fabric.
Baby batter is different in every man. If I could switch testicles with any man on earth, it would definitely be with Peter North. That guy’s orgasm produces so much baby batter, it’s incredible. If you’re like me, you produce about a tablespoon or two worth of cum when you climax. Watch a Peter North cumshot. He shoots two dozen huge cumshot loads before he’s done. He’s a one-man bukakke.
My favorite accidental baby batter experiences are ones that are funny. You know those rare times when your cum shoots out way faster than normal? Maybe you haven’t gotten a release in a while, or maybe the woman has teased you so it’s a huge release. In any case, when it shoots out at ten times the regular speed and hits the woman in the face or under the chin with real force, I love it.
The worst is when you’re cumming with your eyes closed after masturbating, and then can’t see where the baby batter went. It’s always a few days later when your Aunt is visiting that she spots it on the wall and asks you about it before you see it.
Each baby batter load has a few hundred million sperm in it. You’d think after getting rid of a hundred million of something, you’d feel a little lighter.
1. Naomi Wolf would look great with a big load of my hot baby batter on her face and tits.
2. We are all grown up versions of our dad’s baby batter.
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