The act in which a man performs fellatio on himself, i.e. sucking one’s own dick. It’s the subject of countless old jokes that involve never leaving the house and considered something of a holy grail here at Orgasm.com. We’ve heard rumors of a swami in India who could suck his own dick without using his hands to pull his head down or anything. That’s the kind of flexibility we admire in just about anyone, and at first we thought it was the coolest news we’ve heard in a while. But then we found out it was the same dude who holds the record for the world’s longest fingernails, and that’s just fucking grody to the max. It’s no wonder the guy has to suck his own dick. With claws like that, no one else will!

The nature of autofellatio also poses an interesting philosophical question. If a man is sucking his own dick, is he engaged in a homosexual act? I say, who gives a shit? If I could learn to suck myself off, I’d be self-gay all day, dude. Heck, I wouldn’t ever leave the. . .

1. Burt sprained his neck trying to perform autofellatio, and now he can’t look up.

2. If someone could invent a pair of prosthetic lips to aid men in the act of autofellatio, that person should win the Nobel Prize.

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