Well, Tyga is capitalizing on his popular track (like any good business man would do) and he’s using Rack City, adding a XXX, and creating his own porn movie called Rack City: The XXX Movie.

The YMCMB heartthrob is the first of the entire Young Money family to start a business venture in the porn industry but it only makes sense. It’s not like the decision is going to ruin his image. He already talks about having your grandma on his dick, throwin’ huneds, and having hoes love him, so he might as well go the full stretch and make some more money off of his scandalous ways.

So, let me introduce you to the newest porn director and actor in the business, TYGA! Rack City: The XXX Movie will include unreleased music and appearances from London Keyes, Eva Angelina, Havana Ginger, Kristina Rose, Jada Fired, Austin Taylor, and many more.

“This movie really takes ‘Rack City’, the song that I made, into the world of triple X film. It’s a real movie that people will enjoy, and I’m proud of it,” Tyga said.

I wonder what his pregnant fiancee thinks of her boo’s new business venture. I know I sure wouldn’t like it if I was her, but then again she will probably be fine; they did meet at a strip club when she was putting in work.

We will keep you posted as to when the flick will be released.

If there’s one thing I learned from my boy LeVar Burton, it’s that reading is good. It’s good for the soul, the mind and probably the body. So in honor of  Geordi La Forge, who taught me to get my reading on when I was a kid, Orgasm.com brings you: The Classics With More Sex.

Little Slutty Women by Louisa May Dicksucker

Our first classic is the tale of the March sisters. In the original Little Women, they ladies were actual sisters but for our XXX version they will be sorority sisters. We follow Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy as they screw their way through college like the dirty hoes they are.

“The March sisters are total sluts,’ Ryan said to Tim as they headed into the locker room after a tough loss to Appalachian State. Tim nodded as he threw his helmet down on the floor in disgust and sighed. If only he could get a blow job from Jo March. He was the quarterback after all. Don’t women love the quarterback? He’d already fucked Meg, Beth and Amy but it was Jo that interested him the most. She had dick sucking lips and according to Ryan, she was really into ball play. There was also a rumor that she shot a girl on girl porno with her iPhone.

Alice In Anal Land by Lewis Cumcarrol

Our second classic is what I’ve always thought would make a good HD porn starring Cali Lakai because of all the trippy stuff that goes on in the book. Alice in Wonderland was never my favorite book but I can see how people enjoy it so it gets the XXX treatment.

Through the looking glass, Alice spied a rather large dick. My word, she thought, where ever will I put it? She began to weap. Her tears flooding the tiny room.

“Oh look, I’m all wet,” she murmured.

Suddenly, the Mad Hatter burst in. It was his rather large dick that she had spied. He bent her over without saying a word and penetrated her in the butt while the Chesire Cat taped it for his personal collection.

The Cather In The Eye by JD Salingpussy

This might be one of the greatest books ever written. The only thing missing from The Catcher In The Rye is more sex.

Most guys at Pencey just talked about sexual intercourse with girls all the time – like Ackley for instance – but old Stradlater really did it. I was personally acquainted with at least two girls he gave the time to. That’s the truth. All the other guys were a bunch of phonies. It made you feel all crumby. Once I was in Central Park with Phoebe and she did this thing that almost killed me. Wuddya know she goes over to the duck pond and starts quacking at them. Anyway, I’m hard now and have to stop procrasturbating and shoot my load in this phony’s eye.

Moby Dick by Herman Melboobs

Didn’t have to change the title on that one to give it the XXX treatment. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen many HD porn movies with that title too.

Call me Ishmael. I like dick and I like when it’s in my mouth. They say the white whale is the most mysterious but personally, I prefer the sperm whale.

According to TMZ, the guy behind the Not The Three Stooges XXX – yes that is the title of the porn parody – is being threatened by Robert Benjamin. Robert Benjamin is the Executive VP and General Council for C3 Entertainment, the outfit that produced the Farrelly Brothers monstrosity that grossed 17 million last weekend. He’s saying that the XXX version is not protected as a parody under the First Amenedment. Whatever that means. You know lawyers, they use tons of lawyer mumbo-jumbo. That’s why I didn’t go to law school, too much mumbo-jumbo for my liking.

What’s the big deal? So Larry, Moe and Curley get the XXX treatment, big whoop. Porn parodies are awesome. There’s always a girl on girl part that comes out of nowhere and the sex is comical. Don’t you want to see Morgan Moon yelling, “Fuck me Moe!” while getting plowed in the ass?

TMZ is reporting that the lawyer representing the porn parody fired back at Benjamin saying that parodies are protected under freedom of speech and then used some other mumbo-jumbo that you hear in courtroom scenes of Law & Order SVU. Benjamin should eat a big slice of E-Coli pie and shut it. There’s no reason to block what could be the funniest sex parody of all time.

“Gee officer, do you really have to give me that ticket? I didn’t realize how fast I was going. I’ll have sex with you if it gets me out of having to pay $500 for driving 60 miles over the speed limit while texting my mother.”

The East Rutherford Women’s swim team reporting for duty. They’re lean, they’re mean and they dominate the girl on girl events.

“Excuse me, are these the free HD porn auditions? I’m here to meet my friend Tera Patrick. Have you seen her?”

Ebony and Ivory are making the world a better place, one girl on girl in the ocean video at a time.

“Do you guys like my hair. I totes crimped it today. Trying to go for that Coyote Ugly look, you know, like in the movie. Not the one with Piper Perabo, the free HD porn version, the XXX one.”

There are five versions of doggstyle XXX you can do. Each one requires minimal effort from you.

1. Classic Doggystyle: This one is what you see in free porn all the time. The receiving partner gets on all fours with their torso near-horizontal. The active partner holds the receiver by the butt and either on your knees or standing starts plowing away. You get a view of your partner’s leather cheerio so if you’re not into that, eyes forward and focus on your thrusting.

2. Leapfrog Position: The receiver’s torso is angled downwards by resting on the elbows or upper arms, sometimes even resting directly on the floor or bed or wherever you’ve chosen to get your XXX on. The active partner gets on their knees and can penetrate easily. Leapfrog rules because you can reach your woman’s G-spot and she’ll love you forever.

3. Froggystyle Doggystyle: Not to be confused with Leapfrog, this position requires the receiving partner to lie flat while the active partner lies on top of them. You don’t see this a lot in free porn because the camera doesn’t get an ample view of titties or vag. And really, without those two things, what’s the point of pornography?

4. Arms-Back Doggystle: This one is a little kinkier. The active partner holds the receiver’s arms back (or ties them) so the receiver is dependent on the active for balance. It sounds trickier than it is, it’s also something I dream of one day doing to Melody Nakai.

5. Furniture Support: The receiver partner lies across a chair, the side of the bed or couch for support and the active partner penetrates from behind like in the other doggystyle sex positions. This one is great for when your woman is in the mood for some XXX but you just want to watch the game.

It’s been a bumpy road for Santorum anyway. First of all, the guy’s mental. Not like, oh look at my friend Tony, he’s mental because he just slammed an entire bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. Santorum’s more like the kind of mental you stay away from. He’s the uncle everyone has that spends Thanksgiving dinner telling you how you’re committing a huge sin by dating a black chick then gets blind drunk and falls asleep with his hands on his crotch, dreaming of free HD porn. He probably lets out a fart or two that smell worse than a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and you and your dad have the unholy mission of waking him up before he wets himself. Fists are thrown, usually after you take away his keys and insist that he not drive home because of the entire box of wine he consumed. So yeah, Santorum is mental, which is why Vivid Entertainment’s Steven Hirsch told Politico that Rick is “bad for the country” and that people “are more comfortable with sexually explicit material than before”. He’s right. Everyone loves porn. Especially porn from Vivid.

The Vivid co-founder and chairman continued with, “this country has some bigger problems that they have to deal with than whether or not someone’s watching an adult film on their computer”. He’s right again, I mean we’ve got more important things to worry about as a country than people watching free HD porn, like the Albert Pujols contract. If we people want to watch sex movies, who cares? If Albert Pujols doesn’t hit, it’s a huge deal. Wait, what are we talking about? Oh yeah, Santorum. Hirsch went on to say that Rick’s claims that the porn industry hurts women were completely false. “The girls run the industry, they’re the ones that make all the decisions,” Vivid Entertainment’s head honcho said. He’s right yet again, because if you think Lexi Marie is letting people tell her what to do, you are sadly mistaken.

As Pennsylvania’s favorite pain-in-the-ass Senator prepares to do whatever he does when he’s not running for president, (play with his jiggly ball maybe?), Hirsch is relishing in Rick’s decision to suspend his campaign. With Santorum’s exit from the presidential race the XXX industry can rest easy for the time being until Mitt Romney decides it’s time to take on Vivid and the rest of the free HD porn makers.

The AIDS Healthcare Foundation had been on a year-long mission before the ordinance was passed to ensure that condoms were used on all LA porn sets. However, the adult performers are stinking mad about this because they feel that condoms hinder the shooting process. I don’t get it, man. If I were a porn star and I was shooting a series of sex movies featuring Evanni Soleil I’d be able to perform with a condom on. Actually, I’d probably be able to perform with a condom on if I was making a XXX feature with any adult star, but maybe that’s just me. Porn is cool, what can I say?

Porn industry lobbyist group, The Free Speech Coalition, claims that adult film sales will go down because no one is going to buy condom porn. First of all, why would you pay for porn in the first place? You can get it on Orgasm.com for free. Anyhoo, the XXX performers do get bi-monthly STD tests and some of the women are using other forms of birth control like the pill or whatever else women use. Something about a shot in the arm? I didn’t pay much attention to most of the things my last girlfriend said. She was a real Hindenburg giver and a Steelers fan. Not cool.

The FSC says that the AIDS epidemic in America is not directly related to those who make sex movies and that there is no correlation between the two. Basically, if you’re dumb enough to have unprotected sex, it won’t make a difference if you watch porno flicks where the performers wear condoms or not. But, the porn actors are rallying behind the cause and hope to abolish the ordinance that requires them to wear jimmy-hats. Whatever, as long as they keep making sex movies with latex or no latex, I’m sure the entire male species will be content.

The Indian beauty who was born in Sarnia, Ontario (that’s in Canada, it’s cold), is set to make her acting debut in a big Bollywood production aptly titled Jism 2. I can’t get over that title. I don’t know what it means but like a fifth grader, I’m giggling because it sounds like jizzum. You know, jizz?

Sunny Leone appeared on the show Big Boss, the Indian version of Big Brother. I think? Who knows, I was busy thinking of her tits. What do you want from me? I know this porn star from her sex movies. Jeez. Anyhoo, a producer saw her on the show and cast her in Jizzum – sorry – Jism 2. How aren’t there more sex movies with that title? I don’t get it.

The hottest porn star to come out of Ontario told the India Times that she although she has no plans for future sex movies, she’s not discounting a return to the XXX industry. Thank god. Tell your wieners to relax, boys.

Shareholders of  XXX media company forced their CEO out after allegations of embezzlement surfaced. Milton plans on extracting his revenge on those who stripped him of his company by sparing no details in his memoir. The book and movie that will follow, chronicle his rise to the top of the pussy film industry.

Should be juicy. If I spent my formative years shaping Private Media Group I’d make sure to bang all the porn stars I could get my hands on, like Hailey Young. I’d probably call the book, “My Sex Adventures With Porn Pussy”. Don’t laugh. When you write your XXX memoirs you can call it whatever you want. This is my fake book!

Milton’s father started the company in 1965. It began as a porn mag but blossomed into the palace of pussy it is today. The only thing my dad ever started was a bag of chips that blossomed into an ulcer. He also claimed to have seen a UFO in our backyard. Sure dad. Have another Natty Ice. Anyway, Berth’s book should be something considering Private Media Group is Europe’s premier sex peddler. The book/movie combo is scheduled for release in 2013. Can’t wait!

Hollie Stevens was healthy. She kick-boxed, had nice tits and ate well. It wasn’t until she noticed a lump in one of those nice tits that she figured it was time for a check up. The doctor told her she had cancer and she went from hot porn star du jour to wondering if she was going to live. Luckily Hollie, a San Francisco resident, was able to take part in their Healthy San Francisco program and her medical bills were covered.

After her mastectomy she felt soreness in her right leg. When the pain became more excruciating than a round of XXX kick fucking she went back to the doctor. She was told she had bone cancer. Hollie Stevens then went through radiation treatments but to no avail as the cancer spread to her right rib, her other breast and her liver.

The porn star has surgery scheduled for Monday and we wish her nothing but a speedy recovery. Here’s to you Hollie Stevens! Orgasm.com salutes you for all your hard work in the XXX industry.