Ah, the great outdoors! You smell the pine trees. You catch a fish from a singing stream. Streams can sing. Trust me. You hike through the wilderness, lucky if you can photograph a deer or some other animal you don’t get to see in the city. You see stars which is another thing you don’t get to see in the city. And after a long day of enjoying nature’s wonderful gifts, you can tell ghost stories by a roaring camp fire and watch some girl on girl action. Here’s Orgasm.com’s simple guide to sex in the woods. Get ready because after the jump, the forest’s never been this sexy.

Hiking can be exhausting and you’ll need to be in top form to have sex afterwards. In order to have enough energy to fuck your partner when you return from the trails, pack some protein bars and plenty of water. You may pass a babbling brook but don’t drink from it. Fish use that as their toilet.

Make sure you bring a blanket because lying buck naked on a pile of twigs can really hurt. Once I have having crazy sex in the woods with this chick and a pinecone ended up in a place it shouldn’t. The poor girl. It was a very long while before she tossed me any of that XXX action again.

The most important thing about having a nice woodsy hump is spraying the shit out of your body with bug spray. Getting a mosquito bite on your nutsack is the worst possible thing that could happen, besides pinecones in places they shouldn’t be.

If it’s too cold, rainy or buggy outside and you really can’t have sex then retire to your cabin and watch some porn videos of the girl on girl variety. Maybe something staring Lezley Zen? If you can’t enjoy nature, you might as well enjoy some porn videos featuring a bisexual hottie.

This “Caligula,” making broad exceptions as to distance itself as far away from the ‘Penthouse Films’ movie as possible, will star Joli as Caesonia, wife of Caligula, and portray the infamous last night of the manic Roman emperor’s life, resulting in his assassination at the hands of his own senate.

Apparently Joli’s been living in New York and working as a burlesque dancer at the performance venue “The Box.” Her dancing is what lead the production heads to invite her to audition where she originally tried out for the role as Drusilla, Caligula’s sister. Ultimately she was brought back and thankfully given the role that required the most nudity. A definite win win for the audience and performer (she says she is admittedly more comfortable in the nude).

The play is going to run from March 12th to April 3rd, and I couldn’t be more upset that this isn’t happening here on the west coast. I am a huge fan of, not only the Bob Guccione produced film, but of Roman History as well. The story of Caligula is one wrought with sin, disease, debaucherous perversities and, ultimately, betrayal. Adding a personal favorite, Justine Joli to the mix is just mean and cruel. To see this in a live theater would be a phenomenal experience, me thinks.

In case you’re wondering if Joli is the first porn star to cross-over her way into live theater, the answer would sadly be, no. Savanna Samson beat her to it and is also a very determined thespian.