Although play can be clearly defined in kink situations, what specific people are thinking or what their interests are when they are not playing isn’t always so clear. The statuesque woman wearing head-to-toe leather might not be dominant; the man in make-up might not be sub and might indeed by hetero through and through. The more open a group is to variety, the more specific garb is allowed and championed, and the more individual behaviors are instantly assessed by the definitions inherent to the group the better the chances for mistaken kinks.

For the layman to assume certain polarization assumptions is expected, but even those people involved in BDSM make assumptions that are wildly off the mark. It is as much wishful thinking by those people who see someone across a crowded dungeon and wish they to be what they want them to be, as much as it is the heightened sexuality of a fetish and kink meeting. The reason why people of specific sexual orientations congregate is to hopefully facilitate some sort of sexual activity. They might truly be friends, they might not play together nor ever want to, but all people who log-on to fetish websites or meet at kink munches or play-space scene parties do so less to be social and more because they want to engage at their kink.

The rule of thumb though for the experienced kinkster is simply not to assume anything by how someone is dressed or even how he or she act. Maybe a kinky guy or girl are switches anyway, so at any given time they might be wanting to act dom as they might want to act sub. As with every other aspect of life, if we label someone even before we truly get to know him or her, we won’t learn all of the many facets of our companion’s personality. Even in the specifics of kinky role-play we do well to quell our assumptions until we are bent over or bending someone over.

Most times a person’s true intention or their headspace becomes quickly known in a kinky scene, even if all that person is doing is watching other’s play, but it’s best for all people who might want to even think of hooking-up to forgo assumptions and simply get to know one another.