Posts Tagged ‘fuck’

When Sex Gets Awkward

Thursday, November 11th, 2010

We all know that sex doesn’t happen like it does in all of those free porn videos that we watch online. It’s never perfect, and more times than not, there is something that goes wrong. If you do encounter a night of perfect sex than props to you, but the majority of times, something happens that makes the situation a little less magical, and a tad bit awkward.

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If she hasn’t made a single sound since you started- what do you do?

1. First you must check to see if she is still awake. If she is sleeping or passed out, you can just pretend to roll over and pass out as well. Whatever you do, DO NOT fuck her without her knowing it. That’s pretty much rape and you could probably be thrown in jail for that.

2. Say her name and make some noises yourself. Hopefully this will make her feel more comfortable and speak up.

3. If it’s still not working, bite her subtlety so she has to make a sound. If she still doesn’t, then she must be in some sort of hypnotic trance.

If you start your period in the middle of fucking-what do you do ladies?

1. “Im so glad my first time was with you!” Make a joke out of it and it will take the pressure off.

2. Clean it up. If his sheets are messy, offer to wash them.

3. If your still horny you could ask him if he wants to continue. But the choice would be totally up to him.

She’s as dry as a dessert-what do you do?

1. If you have lube, use it! There’s no shame in suggesting she need some extra moisture.

2. No lube? Saliva works just as good, and it’s a lot hotter to use.

3. If it’s still dry and hurting her, or you, stop. Try resorting to oral for the time being until you can get some lube on hand.

Don’t freight over awkward situations that happen during sex because, trust me, we all have them. Even the best porn stars say they have had some pretty embarrassing moments so shake it off and try it again.

10 Thing You Should Know About Sex

Wednesday, November 10th, 2010

Of course you probably think you know everything there is to know about sex. You’ve watched countless amounts of free porn, you’ve had over 50 partners, and you’ve done the dirty deed in places we could only imagine, but that doesn’t mean your a registered sexpert. There’s always room for a little extra know-how when it comes to the sex department.

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1. Anyone can get an STD, and I mean anyone. You should always wear a condom and you should know the right way to put it on or else your chances of waking up with a bad case of herpes will be a lot greater.

2. Pregnancy prevention requires a lot more thought and effort. Just because you pull out before you cum doesn’t mean that you girl wont get pregnant. There’s such things a pre cum that are just as good when it comes to knocking a girl up.

3. Sex and alcohol can have a bad outcome. Sure, when we’re drunk we get really horny, and so do chicks so it’s the perfect equation. But when you’re drunk, you’re also allot shittier at making good decisions which can lead to some pretty bad outcomes. You decide not to wear a condom, bam, you’re gonna be a daddy! Congratulations!

4. Choosing the chick you’re going to have sex with shouldn’t be so easy. You should be picky when it comes to sex partners. Don’t go out and fuck every ugly chick on campus simply because it’s just a bad idea.

5. It takes skills to please a woman. A chick’s body is even a mystery to most of them, therefore it’s often very unfamiliar territory for you. You need to do your research before hopping in the sac.

6. Men need to pace themselves. Sure, it would be great if we could just pound away until it was time for us to cum, but it’s not very polite. You should slow down and try and get her to enjoy the experience just as much as you are.

7. Everybody has different sexual needs. There are oat of generalizations about men, but women are different creatures. Any guy would be happy with a blow job, but when it comes to chicks, they each have their own personal preferences. Which brings me to the next point.

8. You have to communicate your desires. If you don’t explain what you like and vice versa, no one is ever going to be satisfied.

9. Sex has emotional impact on guys and girls. Science proves that women become attached to their sex partners more often then men, but guys still have some emotion under all that hair.

10. Sex is a relationship. Doesn’t matter if you only fuck the girl once, there is still a relationship that has been built between the two of you.

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The Art Of The Daytime Pick Up: Fun In The Sun Can Lead To Fun In The Sack

Monday, November 8th, 2010

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If you’re anything like the average man, you think of sex every seven seconds: have to wash the car, have sex, pick up groceries, sex, get a coffee, sex sex sex. Sure this can be a distraction, but in the mind of the right man it can also have the potential to lead to a satisfying existence infused with a hell of a lot of fucking. So what can the renaissance man of the 21st century do to spice up his days?

First off all, be on the lookout for your window of opportunity. There are specific places that hotties can be found during the day, and we’re not just talking the gym (although the gym is one of the best places to find a fit fox to fuck). Bank tellers, baristas, and secretaries are all positions filled with hot women – and positions where you don’t have to be overly qualified (read: smart) to apply. So, slip your number and a sexy note women in these positions and you could get lucky: there’s a reason a secretary, for example, is the target of free porn videos. It’s because many of them actually do wear thigh high stockings underneath their skirts just in case there’s a big cock on offer.

Despite the fact that you’re looking to get laid, subtlety is underrated. Remember that everyone else is thinking the same thing you are, so if you’re able to outsmart the rest of your gender, you’ll be the one taking home the hottest piece of ass. For example, women hate getting hit on at the gym – so don’t be one of the fools that makes a b-line for the honeys on the elliptical machines. It’s always a better idea to wait in an area close to the gym, perhaps a coffee shop across the street, where you can strike up a conversation naturally. Women hit the gym because they want to get laid – they’re looking to increase their chances by getting fit, and physical activity breeds the desire for more physical activity (read: sex, with you, if you play your cards right), so it’s not hard to get a gym goer into bed once you catch her off guard with conversation.

So, don’t delay. Use some of these tried and true techniques to have your daytime lead to playtime. After all, there’s nothing worse than waiting at a bar all night to pick up while the real studs are home pounding personal trainers because they outmaneuvered you.

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Here’s The Situation: A Guide To Jersey Shore Lingo

Monday, November 8th, 2010

The guido’s and guidette’s of Jersey Shore just wrapped of the second season of their hit reality TV show and there is nothing but bright lights and big bills for the future of these castmates.

The Situation was a Dancing With The Stars contestant and has recently launched a new book. Snookie is being paid thousands of dollars to show up at club for about 10 minutes, all over the US, and Pauly D just bought a brand new Lamborghini.

These kids are ringing in the dough and it’s all because of their outrageous personalities and partying habits that allow them to create some of the most obnoxious, weird, and plan old fucked up lingo.

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IIIIttt’ssssss T-SHIRT TIME!!!!! Here are some infamous Jersey Shore sayings that most of you will probably need a Guido dictionary to help decipher:

GTL: A day long activity that is mostly done by MVP which includes going to the gym, tanning, and doing laundry.

MVP: The power trio created my Mike, Vinny and Pauly.

Cockblock of the century: One who is legendary for preventing his or her male roommate from succeeding in his sexual conquests.

Community smush room: A room that is used for smushing and smushing only.

Smush: When you have sex with someone.

Double Bagger: When the person you’re getting it in with is so ugly you have to put over her head and your own, just in case.

Getting it in: When you have sex with someone.

DTF: Down to fuck.

DTS: Down to snuggle.

Grenade: An unattractive fat woman.

GFF: The grenade free foundation is an organization to keep grenades at bay in order to reach a GFA.

GFA: Grenade free America.

Land-mine: A skinny ugly girl.

Chicken Cutlet: A silicone insert that is placed into a chicks bra to make her tits look bigger.

Kookah: A woman’s vagina.

These are just a few of the Jersey Shore terms to get you through a days work. If you want to completely educated on their lingo, it will require you to take the day off work, because they have come up with a lot of shit!

Libraries: The New Place To Bone Up On Your Sexual Prowess?

Sunday, November 7th, 2010

By now you know Old Spice Guy – men want to be him and women want to be with him. If Old Spice Guy has given us anything (and he’s given us a lot), it’s a series of terrific parodies, and one in particular got us thinking about libraries. Sure, everyone’s been to the library to do research or find fake references for a paper, but the library has a lot of unexplored sexual potential: namely, the librarian.

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Librarians have a sex appeal that women in other fields of employment don’t have. Certainly fashion has something to do with this. Librarians dress a lot like stewardesses, making sure their appearance is immaculate and incorporating skirts and stockings into their wardrobe. It’s a feminine discipline, and of course the naughty librarians make sure they’re wearing thigh high stockings in case the right opportunity to speed their legs comes along.

The physicality of librarianship isn’t the only turn on however. Bookish types are quiet and smart with big imaginations – the types of imaginations that can lead to incredible fuck. So, should the library be a go to place to bone up on your sexual prowess? We say: why not? There are certainly worse places for a steamy session than between the book stacks, and your hot local librarian may have some new ideas up her sleeve (or skirt as the case may be).

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So the next time your at the library, make sure to be on the lookout for an opportunity to make a pass at one of the shy girls behind the front desk. We recommend taking out an erotic book to give her the hint, and following that up with friendly conversation. Who knows, maybe it’ll play out like free porn and you’ll get lucky!

A Shoulder to Lean On

Saturday, November 6th, 2010

Megan pulled her friend to her feet and kissed her hard while pulling the rest of Bev’s clothes off and dropping them to the floor in a pile next to hers.

“Y-yes,” Bev gasped, pulling off the kiss. “Oh God!”

“We should…” Megan tried.

“W-what,” Bev moaned, “tell me, what should we do?”

“I think we should, we should, get down on the carpet and slide together until our clits touch?”

“Sweet fuck, why didn’t I think of that?” Bev moaned.

“Actually…” Megan said as they sat to Bev’s deep carpet and immediately joined sliding their vaginas together, scissoring their clits into direct contact.

“Yeah I guess it’s all my fault, huh?” Bev said feeling the instant electricity when her and Megan’s bald wet slits opened and squished pressing together.

Both girls lean back on their hands; Megan shaking her heavy 36 DD’s, Bev arching her own firm C cups, both girls pretty faces set firm and surprised.

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How the two best friends had come to be in this spot at this time, doing this of all things, was a simple progression of friendship.

Megan had stopped over to declare her very last attempt and suspected now end of her on again/off again three years with Jimmy. The girls prided themselves on always being ready willing and more then able to be the literal ‘shoulder to cry on’ and this early evening had been no exception.

After sipping some of Bev’s deep red wine and some more commiserating, Megan cuddled up close to her friend and the warmth rose for the girls.

From patting Megan’s head to her shoulder and a quick kiss on her cheek, Bev had made the move she had always wanted to try on her busty best friend of fifteen years and before either girl knew it they kissing, cuddling and rubbing on Bev’s low couch. Tentative tickles and some dry humping then the two friends were ripping up shirts, flinging off shoes and giggling like high school girls making their first stabs at some backseat girl-on-girl groping. Tweaking hard nipples through sweaters, pushing the heels of palms on heated crotches-and all that kissing-the girls went from the rubbing, open-mouth slobbering and grinding to lying now naked facing one another on Bev’s carpet rubbing their cunts together.

Grinding their sloppy wet selves together, Megan gasped: “I …I.”

“Clit to clit,” Beverly groaned, “I-I’m gonna, I’m gonna…”

“Hold it, hold it,” Megan groaned as she herself knew that she wouldn’t be much longer in coming.

“To…together, together?” Bev cried.

“To…yes yes!” Megan said and pushed up into her friend as Bev held her position.

At that exact moment both girls’ nubby thick clits touched and both opened their eyes wide.

“Now!”

Both girls screamed, shuttered, clenched their little ass cheeks and came.

While Bev’s lurched out of control in an orgasmic explosion, Megan’s own pussy climax was just as monumental. Both women kept up the grinding for a full minute post flooding orgasm, fitting their vaginas together harder and harder until they collapsed.

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Megan raised her head a minute later, smiled weakly and sighed: “Thank you, baby, I really need that.”

Beverly smiled back at her friend and agreed: ”Me too, me too.”

“I mean, I didn’t know I needed it, but…”

“I know,” Bev said and leaned over to kiss her friend again.

Once again the girls’ tongues met and they were soon rolling into each other again; the friends were ready to come again.

“Jimmy who?” Megan asked leaning back and chuckling.

“Exactly,” Bev said, squeezed her thighs together and reached for her best friend’s big tit.

Porn Star’s Wine Passion

Tuesday, November 2nd, 2010

There has always been a certain stigma attached to sex and alcohol. It lowers our inhibitions, therefore allows us to become more sexually open and explore sexual desires we would never otherwise explore.

A lot of porn stars have said that a glass of wine or a shot of whiskey before they are called to go on set really calms the nerves and puts them at ease before they have to strip down naked and fuck some dude that they’ve never even met before in front of a camera crew. If that was me, I would be drinking the whole bottle of whisky before doing that!

For one particular porn star, drinking and sex is more than just something to lower inhibitions. It’s about creating a flavor that is enjoyable and tasty.

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We all know that the world of wine making has attracted celebrities of all sorts who want to try their hands at producing a world renowned taste, but porn star Savanna Samson has taken it too a different level then slapping her name on some cheesy chardonnay.

Her italian red wine has received a score of 90 to 91 out of 100 by wine guru Robert Parker. And apparently in the world of wine, that’s pretty impressive.

You’re probably wondering how a blonde bimbo could know so much about wine. Apparently her sex appeal is not only good for making porn, it has helped her convince Italy’s Roberto Cipresso, a world renowned respected wine maker, to join the project with her.

Samson said she knew she wanted Roberto to make her wine because she, “just loves his passion.”

So, she went to Tuscany and tasted dozens of Cipresso’s Italian grown varieties, then selected a mix of 70 % Cesanese, 20% Sangiovese and 10% Montepulciano.

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The result: a 2004 vintage package under the name Savanna and a label showing her in a see through gown.

Savanna proves that porn stars can be classy, all the while still being slutty. Im sure Samson has opened a whole new realm of opportunity for porn stars all over the world and, not to mention, a better reputation.

Pierced

Tuesday, November 2nd, 2010

“You have a nice small vag” the pierce-r said and once again tickled the tiny barbell. “That should be just fine, pretty perfect and puffy for a few weeks but other then that, no problem.”

Once again Kristy felt a jolt of electricity run under her as she imagined the little piece of metal in her hood…she certainly couldn’t feel anything down there at the moment.

The tattooed girl positioned the mirror once again and Kristy looked down between her spread thighs to see the small silver barbell poking out from under her hood and her clit thick, slightly red and engorged.

It actually took two weeks, but finally the pain and swelling had subsided enough that Kristy didn’t have to use the painkillers anymore. In fact, the pain was replaced by an itch that literally drove her crazy, but thankfully after another week that subsided to. The fifth week the petite blonde began to notice a low thrumming deep up her, as if she had a vibrator stuck up in her pussy constantly on the lowest setting.

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She had heard a pussy piercing could make you more sensitive, the girl at the shop had warned her and Steve had been going on and on about it before she got the hood jewelry and now even more when he stared at it at night but refused to touch it. Kristy’s problem-not that she really thought it was a problem-was that she had always had a very powerful pussy urge. Maybe the piercing was gonna be just too much for her little vagina?

The day in work had been tough this Friday as the thrumming was at a fever pitch. Kristy figured maybe now she’d finally get some relief with Steve and literally jumped the guy when she came in to the house.

“Didn’t I tell you?” Steve said turning from his girlfriend as she straddled him on the couch. “I told you, don’t fuck with perfection, now you are even hornier then before.”

“Steve it’s been a weeks,” Kristy began kissing the man’s neck. “You can touch it now, you…”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Hurt me. Fuck me. Suck Me, Lick Me. Tease me,” Kristy wailed, stood and shuck her tights down. Her panties were soaked through and Steve smelled her heavy scent in the air and not able to take it any longer-it had been five long weeks- he dove face first into his girlfriend’s sticky crotch.

“Steve!” Kristy cried as Steve ate into her panty and she arched, wiggle and got her fingers to the front of her crotch and pulled them aside.

Revealing her bald pink lips to her man, Kristy stood up fully, placed her finger right on her clit and pulled back the hood revealing her new adornment.

“You need to lick this first, every time you want to eat my pussy,” she announced.

Steve did just that. He flicked the very tip of his strong tongue to the barbell, ticking it under and to the sides. Kristy shook slightly as the thrumming increased and she felt her lips fatten to her man’s delicate attention to her pussy.

“Now lick my lips,” she said and Steve sat under her fully, raging hard to both his girlfriend’s perfect wet slit and her ordering him.

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The attention, the obvious alteration, even the way Kristy was standing there somewhat dominant over her man, she felt the piercing in her hood was a totem signpost for all of their future pussy play. She’d be either leading Steve or he would ask, either way she was sure it would be all about her pussy for at least the foreseeable future.

There was definitely something to this pussy piercing, Kristy thought as Steve flatted his tongue into her gloppy pussy lips and she felt the barbell shutter all the way into her brain.

Simple Sex Is One Of Life’s Greatest Pleasures

Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

If there’s anything that certain about sex, it’s that it can complicate life and relationships. Sex is messy: it controls our actions and often leads to places we’d otherwise avoid. Despite this, no one goes out of their way to avoid sex – in fact nearly everyone embraces sex in their own way. So how do you choose what you’d like?

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Internet porn has made sex easy, not to mention accessible for public consumption. You don’t have to hide in a dirty bookstore to buy it anymore – and without that embarrassment people have opened up to fetishes and darker desires. Like a good meal you can have your fucking any way you like it – with whips, chains, stockings, anally, on a boat. The scenarios are endless, and often lead to an escalation in the type of behavior needed to get off.

Escalation is a key point, because although we like our ladies in thigh high stockings, and love when they suck dick in lipstick, sometimes there’s nothing better than just plain old sex. You know the kind: you strip down and bend over a big titted bitch and fuck her until she screams. Never mind acrobatics worthy of Cirque du Soleil, simple pounding is refreshing and a back to basics approach that will help you return to your roots.

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So the next time your lady comes over, smack her ass and get down to one of life’s richest pleasures: simple sex. You can thank us later.

Jurrasic Jocked: Grow Your Manhood Like A Porn Star

Sunday, October 24th, 2010

If there’s one thing the average man would change about himself if he could, it would be the size of his manhood. Johnson, cock, skin-flute, easy rider, clam digger, one-eyed monster, bald avenger, middle leg, Pope John Pole 3 – no matter the name, the average length of a man’s rod is 6 inches when fully erect – hardly the size of Lexington Steele. So how can the average man look, and fuck, more like a porn star?

First off, it’s a myth that you can’t increase the size of your penis. When starting out, keep in mind that illusion is part of the process – it’s how much bigger the girl you’re fucking THINKS your penis is that counts. Fancy yourself David Blaine – after all, once you’re inside her, size doesn’t matter anymore and getting off does. So here are a few tips that will help you score, and keep your girl coming back for more.

Stay trimmed: If you don’t do this, for God’s sake get started. Trimmed public hair isn’t just for the ladies anymore, and now that the metrosexual craze is in full swing, it’s an accepted part of the male grooming ritual. If you’re hesitant, think of the advantages – trimming the hair away from the base of your cock will make it look substantially bigger and let your lady get a full view of King Dong. Really, you haven’t done anything, and you’re already bigger.

Cock rings: A cock ring can be a great way to thicken your rod – put it on when you’re hard to constrict the blood flow in your dick and you’ll start to look like a can of Pepsi. While your girl may see you slip it on – we’ve found most women don’t care, and go gaga for your girth. If you’re worried about your lady finding out, try a clear ring on for size – it will camouflage nicely.

Get your potential lay drunk: If our first two surefire cock enhancement methods fail, you can always just get your girl drunk. Beer goggles have been getting men pussy for centuries – even the short penised losers who bred to make anyone reading this article a reality! So, stay strong our poorly endowed friends – onwards and upwards (naturally)!