That’s the good thing of what porn teaches us, sometimes more of what we don’t want then what we do. As any sane adult realizes quick when they watch dirty movies porn is first and foremost entertainment, and fantasy entertainment at that. Guys and girls acting in a porn film are doing just that…acting…they can be and are being paid good money to be as raunchy as they can. We all know this kind of acting and talk seems sexy but imagine this attitude from your lover 24/7?

Then too are the fetishes and kinks we see in porn. This is another great example of the fine line between reality and what we might want to try and the fantasy of what looks great but we know we will never have the courage, strength and in the end care to even try to attempt.

Once again porn teaches us.

By the time a couple has come to porn they pretty much know what they do and don’t like in bed. They might get an idea or two to spark their imagination, a bee in their bonnet to try something they see in the porn movie, but for the most part there’s nothing really new under the sun for a couple enjoying a good intimacy. Those men and women watching porn alone might indeed get a skewed view of what sex with someone is like, but then again, if this is the only real contact with sex they have, it could be worse than watching an entertaining dirty movie.

What has come before has made us what we are, but it is more important who we are presently and how we engage our lover and they us. If our sex life brings us pleasure and the person we sleep with is as satiated, we can’t really hold on to the past, abuse or not.

It’s too easy to follow a straight line from a supposed slight or even some terrible tragedy to our actions presently, but the human mind doesn’t work so easily in cause and effect. Simply because someone engages in sex that maybe is seeming harmful doesn’t mean they have been harmed in the past, just as much as a woman courting a rape fantasy doesn’t have to working out a past abuse every time she has sex;then again, maybe she is.

We simply can’t make those assumptions about our partners, even if they offer explanations; who really knows their own mind all that well to explain every single one of their sexual desires?

Our preferences or prejudices, our passing needs or our long-term fetishes all that we are sexually is a conundrum we will not soon fathom, nor will our friends, family or lovers ever truly need to understand if all actions are consensual and fuel the romance morethan slow it down.

From day to day all we can do is follow our whims, hope they might match someone we find in real life or even across some on-line dating site and that we can all find peace in whatever piece we need.

Many people who are a little bit open-minded about anal play will at least try anal beads or toys that seem rather small and not horribly intrusive. On the other end of the spectrum are people who enjoy anal stretching and who crave larger and larger objects being inserted anally. They enjoy the feeling of being stretched wide open and eventually the feeling of anal gaping once the large object is removed. It’s a time consuming activity, but for someone who enjoys this type of play it is time well spent. They enjoy being the center of attention if they are playing with someone else, but many people who enjoy this fetish also enjoy working on it by themselves. They have a collection of sex toys in graduating sizes, and they work through all of them to accomplish the desired end result. They enjoy the time it takes, three to six hours usually, for their anal area to go back to its normal size. Obviously this may not be an activity that everyone will enjoy, but those who do enjoy it find it very fulfilling to accomplish their goal of being able to accommodate increasingly larger toys.

If a lesbian finds a woman attractive at a coffee shop or a bar, and thinks there is flirting happening, only to learn that the woman is straight, what’s going on? If a woman who is interested in experimenting with other women lives in a smaller community, how does she find women who might be interested in dating her?

Thankfully, most women are not upset if another woman flirts with them. After all, women are used to be approached by men all the time, and are more comfortable with social contact. Most women are not threatened by lesbians, and, in fact, can be flattered by the approach. Female homophobia is pretty much uncommon, to the point that straight women are approached by gay and bisexual women all the time.

For a woman who is beginning to experiment with other women, flirting is a great way to start. Most women are comfortable with flirting from women as well as men. Women are often more subtle about their sexual interests, so flirting is an important first step to catch the attention of another bisexual woman or a lesbian who is looking.

Of course, there are far fewer lesbians than there are heterosexual women. That can make it challenging for a lesbian to find a potential date in smaller towns and communities that don’t have gay bars. It can feel frustrating, both for the woman interested in expanding her sexual horizons, and for a lesbian living in that community.

A gay lady might get frustrated by she will do well to remember that straight guys often have the same difficulties. Many men ask several women out before one says yes. The level of confidence is key, an assumption of potential success that eventually someone will say yes will keep one in the game. It is a good lesson for lesbians looking for a date: if there a sense of confidence, that there is someone out there, that confidence will carry over in the way she presents herself.

Lucky for all of us, whatever our sexual proclivities, kinks and fetishes, even religious affiliations, what we are looking for we can find in the on-line dating world. Sites made just for gay men, lesbian ladies, or single people looking for spanking are all over the net so the flirting can happen in the safe confines on-line as much as the wacky unpredictable real world.

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